" 'Woe unto you also, ye lawyers! For ye load men with burdens grievous to be borne, and ye yourselves touch not the burdens with one of your fingers.' " That's how Andrew Tobias ends his Quarterly Report on lawyers. By the time you finish reading his analysis of the legal profession, you may agree with a suggestion from Shakespeare: "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." And if not the lawyers, the generals. You know, those wonderful folks who brought us Vietnam. Asa Baber, Playboy Contributing Editor and former Marine, visited El Salvador, Honduras and Nicaragua with a group of Vietnam vets. The place names have changed, but his report, Smack in the Middle of a Low-Intensity Conflict, will generate a strong sense of déjà vu.
Playboy, (ISSN 0032-1478), June 1986, Volume 33, Number 6. Published Monthly by Playboy, Playboy Building, 919 North Michigan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. Subscriptions: In the United States and its possessions, $56 for 36 issues, $38 for 24 issues, $24 for 12 issues, Canada, $35 for 12 issues. Elsewhere, $35 (U.S. Currency) for 12 issues. Allow 45 days for new subscriptions and renewals. Change of Address: Send both old and new addresses to Playboy, Post Office Box 55230, Boulder, Colorado 80323-5230, and allow 45 days for change. Circulation: Ed Condon, Director/Direct Marketing; Jack Bernstein, Circulation Promotion Director. Advertising: New York: Elaine Hershman, New York Manager; Walter Kuenstler, Marketing Director, 747 Third Avenue, New York 10017; Chicago: 919 North Michigan Avenue, Chicago 60611; Detroit: 3001 West Big Beaver Road, Troy, Michigan 48084; West Coast: Brian Van Mols, Manager, 8560 Sunset Boulevard, Los Angeles 90069.
We admire the work of The Mitchell Brothers Film Group, whose porn releases exhibit a good-humored trendiness that causes us to suspect that there may be intelligent life in the erotic-film industry after all.
This is not a joke. And "How to Marry the Man of Your Choice" (Matrimonial Press Report) is not a jokebook. At $95, this 167-page textbook---written by Margaret Kent, an attorney from Key Biscayne, Florida---is subtitled "The Marriage Manual for Single Women." It tells us, "This book will teach you how to determine what a man really wants in a wife.... Consider all men living laboratories and test the results for yourself.... Start with lesser men for training." For those of you who can't afford the 95 bucks (never mind the $1295 for the course the book accompanies), here are a few things women don't tell men. For good reason.
True Believers in either escapism or Reaganism would be wise to avoid Salvador (Hemdale), which graphically depicts the rape-murder of American nuns, the assassination of an outspoken Catholic archbishop and other atrocities visited upon beleaguered El Salvador in the name of anticommunism. Re-creating the volatile political climate before and after the U.S. Presidential election of 1980, when a new Republican Administration Pledged its might to the right, this timely drama is raw, nasty and sobering. No way in the same league with The Killing Fields, this effort by director Oliver Stone, filmed in Mexico from a screenplay he co-authored with photojournalist Richard Boyle, nonetheless projects a kind of stinging authenticity. Boyle himself is portrayed, warts and all, in an amazing bit of unabashed self-revelation, calling himself "a fucking weasel." Actor James Woods, in a gutsy performance, generally makes us believe the description is apt. He's a sleaze-bag photographer whose presence in El Salvador seems initially inspired by the promise of good beaches, easy women, cheap dope and liquor. He drags along a spaced-out friend named Dr. Rock, an unemployed D.J. with nothing better to do (played with his usual what-the-hell casualness by James Belushi).
Reeling and Rocking: Ted Nugent and Oscar-winning composer Bill Conti have teamed up to write a sound track for the movie Nomads. Nugent says he got the job because Conti "needed some ass-kickin' rock 'n' roll." ... Look for Joan Jett in the Michael J. Fox film Around the Corner to the Light of Day, formerly Born in the U.S.A.---both titles taken from Springsteen songs.... Allen Klein, former manager of both the Beatles and the Stones, also managed Sam Cooke's career for about a year before that singer's death. Now Klein is preparing to produce a movie about Cooke's life.... Laurie Anderson's concert film, Home of the Brave, will be in a theater near you if you happen to live in a major city. If you don't, you'll have to make do with the sound-track album .... Tom Petty and Dylan, who are touring together, have been asked to collaborate on a song for a movie about delinquents called Band of the Hand.... Lionel Richie is ready to move on from writing songs for movies to being in movies. He'll be looking for his first film role this fall, after his concert tour. Says Richie, "I'm not coming to the movies asking for the lead in Gone with the Wind ... you start at the bottom and learn it."
Trends Happen so quickly nowadays that a very busy person such as yourself can be forgiven if he wakes up one morning and discovers that he's missed one or two. For instance, even those of you who regularly watch Entertainment Tonight are probably unaware that there's a veritable boom in the number of comedy albums released by major record companies. Surprised? We've seen the anemic sales figures, and we thought you might be.
China. The summer of 1860. The Taipings are at the throats of the Manchus in the worst civil war in history, so who else would be at the throat and lips of the emperor's number-one concubine but Harry Flashman? Yes, the cowardly but lionized hero of the British Empire is back in Flashman and the Dragon (Knopf), and author George MacDonald Fraser, too, is back in full writing form, whisking Flashy from the talon clutches of Szi-Zhan, the 6'6" queen of the river bandits, to the diabolical torture chambers of the Forbidden City and the sacking of the Summer Palace. Flashman is Fraser's forte. We say, keep him coming. How about Flashman and the Zulus next?
If you like your issues cut and dried, don't read this column. If your sexuality is in a neat little box, turn the page. The subject this month is relationships between married men and single women. These two parties have been getting together for a long time, but in the years ahead, it's going to get even wilder.
I have a problem that has bothered me for several years---as long as I have had sex, actually, since I'm only 23. The problem is that I have a difficult time obtaining an erection without a minute or so of manual or oral stimulation. This has happened on many occasions and has embarrassed me quite a bit. I assume from the response of the girl I'm about to have sex with that when she reaches for me, I should already be hard. But usually, at the time she reaches for my penis, it is only semi-erect, and she asks what is wrong. As far as I'm concerned, nothing is wrong, because that is the way I always start out. But the fact that women ask has made me paranoid that something is really wrong, even though I don't go to bed with a girl unless she really turns me on. Another problem: When I have become erect and I decide to prolong the encounter by stimulating my partner either manually or orally, my erection subsides once again to a semi-erect condition. I like to go directly into intercourse after this stimulation, but it is difficult to do with a semi-erect penis. So it's either back to her manually/orally stimulating me or I attempt to enter her anyway, after which a full erection is usually obtained. If other guys are hard from the mere thought of sex, why aren't I? I'd like to be able to do whatever I want at whatever stage of intercourse we're in, too. Am I overly dependent on manual stimulation because I masturbated as a teen?---L. G., Dallas, Texas.
Some time ago, after smoking a cigarette given to me by a teenaged friend of the family, I was overcome by an irresistible urge to write an article on the David of Michelangelo. An additional stimulus was the rash of letters in the Journal of the American Medical Association on the pros and cons of circumcision. These so tickled my fancy (which had been dozing) that I began reliving the details of an intriguing visit to Florence, Italy.
Some People have the idea that sex causes AIDS. That's not true. Ordinary sexual intercourse doesn't cause AIDS. Homosexual sex doesn't cause AIDS. Anal sex doesn't cause AIDS. Sex with prostitutes doesn't cause AIDS. If partners are free of AIDS, nothing they can do together will cause it.
At the advanced age of 39, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar---a dinosaur by professional basketball standards---continues to act less like a lion in winter than like a stallion in spring. The National Basketball Association's only active player to have graduated from college before the start of the Seventies, Abdul-Jabbar, a graceful, 7'2" scoring machine, has virtually rewritten the league's record books. Now nearing the end of his 17th pro season (the only N.B.A. player ever to reach that milestone), Abdul-Jabbar adds to his fistful of career records each time he sets foot on court.
When you consider the fact that Linda Evans' face first became familiar to the American viewing public in the mid-Sixties, when she was a regular on the family-oriented TV show The Big Valley, starring Barbara Stanwyck and Lee Majors, you have to admit that as TV personalities go, she's been around for a while. Sure, she was pretty then, just as she is now, but nobody went bananas over her. She, like her ex-husband John Derek's current wife, Bo, could have become a big phenom in her teens. After all, Stefanie Powers and Tuesday Weld were at Hollywood High School with Linda, and they became overnight sensations in their early films. But somehow, Linda's appearance in her first movie, 1963's Twilight of Honor, with Richard Chamberlain, didn't put her on the map. Nor had she become a widely recognized hot ticket by the time Derek photographed her for Playboy in 1971 (as he had his Previous wife, Ursula Andress, in 1965, 1966 and again in 1973). Linda's marriage to Derek temporarily interrupted her film career; but in 1974, she returned to the Technicolor screen in The Klansman, with Richard Burton. By 1977, the year Linda starred as James Franciscus' partner in CBS' Hunter (an espionage-adventure series unrelated to NBC's current cop show by that title), the Derek household had broken up and John had married Bo. Linda went back to the movies---appearing in 1979's Avalanche Express, with Lee Marvin, and Tom Horn, opposite Steve McQueen---and into another marriage, to Realtor Stan Herman, which also ended in divorce. Still, not one fashion magazine elected to put her on its cover, and very few women were overheard wistfully musing, "Gee, I wish I looked like Linda Evans." Then, in 1981, came Dynasty and the role of Krystle Carrington. Today, at the age of 43, Linda is one of the most widely recognized women in the world; Dynasty is a big hit overseas as well as in the U.S. Hers is the face that millions of women envy and millions of men would love to kiss. Her likeness appears repeatedly not only on the covers of fashion magazines but on just about every other kind of publication that isn't devoted to hunting, fishing or motorcycles. Her Linda Evans Beauty and Exercise Book, written with Sean Catherine Derek, John's daughter from his first marriage (still with us?), became an instant best seller when it was published in 1983. Cannon Films has just signed her, reportedly for $3,000,000, to do two movies and a miniseries. She continually ranks at the top of lists of women that Americans most admire, has been nominated for the Golden Globe Award and has twice won The People's Choice Award for favorite TV actress. Perhaps it's because she's a symbol of our culture's new-found realization that middle-aged women are often sexier than young ones. But for whatever reason, it's fair to say that Linda Evans has become not just a famous actress but a national icon. And who better to pay pictorial tribute to her enduring beauty than we? Thus, we've brought you these classic photos, taken when Linda was between the ages of 27 and 43. They're a testament to the adage that beauty is, indeed, timeless.
Romping Down to Rio with the Rich and Famous Robin Leach!
Mind-boggling new evidence proving that Cary Grant and TV Celebrity Gossip Host Robin Leach definitely might be related was revealed in a global exclusive interview high above the world-famous fishinfested Atlantic Ocean as the 45-year-old London-born Leach swigged champagne and confessed that he once sold the National Enquirer a front-page scoop linking Walter Cronkite with flying saucers.
The Stereotype is practically graven in stone. Japanese cars are tiny miracles, flawlessly fabricated little sedans that can be bought and driven a lifetime for the price of a cheap suit. They never break, never complain and, sadly, never excite---perfect workaday machines capable of perpetual movement from pillar to post with no discernible increase in adrenal activity. Boring, even; the kind of car Consumer Reports would tell (continued on page 160) Rising•Fun (continued from page 85) your aunt to buy. And she'd comply. And even enjoy it. Not quite, bucky. To say the least, the mundane qualities of Japanese automobiles have been, like Mark Twain's obituary, somewhat exaggerated. To be sure, a vast majority of the millions of Japanese automobiles that have reached these shores since they began to arrive in 1958 have been on the prosaic side. During that year, the infant Datsun importing arm managed to sell 83 of the company's L-210 sedans in the United States. Toyota sold a similar piddling allotment of its boxy little Toyopet Crowns. They were most assuredly dumb little automobiles. A 1958 Sports Car Illustrated denounced the Toyota Tiara---yet another wobbly four-door based on prewar British designs---as "utterly lacking in technical novelty." And so it went.
Miss June rode into town in a sports car that is now defunct. Zooming out of the Arizona desert, she was so thrilled to reach L.A. that she scoffed at the speed limit. She hit one of Hollywood's few puddles and hydroplaned until a parked car intervened. Rebecca Ferratti remembers enjoying the ride, thinking that it was a lot more exciting than tooling around Phoenix.
The taca air lines 727 jet is packed with passengers, and people grow quiet as we enter Salvadoran airspace. Outside the window, the tropical landscape rises slowly to meet us. I see a large lake, a dormant volcano, ridges of saw-toothed hills, the Pacific Ocean in the distance. The jungle valleys are blue in the afternoon shadows and the fields of sugar cane and pineapple form blocks like patterns in a quilt.
The best bathing suit, of course, is nought but your well-tanned hide, sailing, surfing, sunning and skinny-dipping, on the secluded back side of a lush tropical isle, such as Jamaica. But next to that, go for the look that best fits your physique, from the briefest of bikinis to boxers and surfer jams. Strong primary colors in New Wave geometrics, tropical florals, anything with a visual punch, are what the smartest sons of beaches will be pulling on this long, hot summer. For all-round comfort, the fabric to choose is cotton; for a bikini, pick a quick-drying Lycra blend. Hot time. Summer in the islands. Let's go!
What They (Damn It!) Have Learned About Us That We Never Wanted Them to Know
The Two spies who wrote this piece have done a terrible thing. Soon, they're going to publish "The Grown-Up Girl's Guide to Boys" and everyone (especially girls and other forms of women) will know our secrets: why we guys think the way we do, why we do the things we do. We want you to get a jump on the opposition, so, as a public service, we're giving you a preview of the things they'll find out.
If you're planning to meet Kathy Shower for dinner, be sure to arrive at the restaurant a little early and find yourself a spot near the end of the bar. That way, you get to watch the less fortunate men in the room when she comes in. Then, as you escort her into the dining room, you can finish them off with a glance over your shoulder that says, "Eat your hearts out!" It'll put a swagger in your step for weeks to come.
Welcome, once again, to The Playboy Gallery, a special gift of our very best art and photography. Our second installment (the first was in the May issue, in case you missed it) features Johnny Rozsa's photo of The Woman in Red star Kelly LeBrock, from the same shooting that appeared in our Sex Stars of 1985 pictorial in December. And if you're a fan of famed science-fiction illustrator Frank Frazetta (best known for his Conan the Barbarian and Buck Rogers comic-book art), you'll relish owning this reproduction of his oil painting that illustrated Thomas Berger's short story Arthur Rex in our September 1978 issue. For more Frazetta, look for his new books, Living Legend and Frank Frazetta, Book Five (Bantam).
Unser is the name of America's most distinguished auto-racing family. Brothers Bobby and Al can lay claim to six Indianapolis 500 wins, as well as five national championships. Now comes another Unser, 23-year-old Al, Jr., known as Little Al and rated by many as the best racing Unser yet---despite losing last season's National crown to his dad in the closest contest ever. Peter Manso met with father and son in their native Albuquerque to talk about love, rivalry and racing.
With the state of the art in home-entertainment electronics shifting almost daily, is it really possible to buy something that won't become an antique before you get it home? Absolutely. You may never head off obsolescence permanently, but at least you can delay it if you're up on what's hot and what's not in product trends. So with all those new formats in audio and video clamoring for our attention, it's time to separate the best from the b.s. (continued on page 140)
Last season, it was Miami Vice. This year, the show that has injected the most life into an old formula is Moonlighting, a standard detective show mixed with an off-the-wall humor so appealing that it has given beleaguered ABC one of its very few hits.
"I don't have much to say," warns a reluctant Andrew McCarthy. Even after sizable roles in four films---St. Elmo's Fire, Class, Heaven Help Us and Pretty in Pink---the 23-year-old actor is still cynical about his burgeoning public profile. "We're not talking apartheid here," he laughs. "We're talking about a guy who makes movies."
Shanghai-born Yik San Kwoh, Ph.D., had a problem. He and his staff of medical engineers at Memorial Medical Center in Long Beach, California, were face to circuits with an industrial robot---the type that can do precision work on assembly lines---and they felt lost. They knew what they wanted the robot to do---the delicate task of probing the human brain---but they were baffled by the machine itself.
"The Jerusalem Bomb Squad"---For every explosive device that goes off in a terrorist hit, several others are found and defused. That's a job for Danny and Maishe, stars of the squad, arguably the busiest in the world. A fascinating report by Robert Rosenberg