My Fellow Deadheads: The dawn of the age of cannabis is upon us!!! Despite 50 years of unrelenting oppression by the forces of bureaucratic evil, Mother Nature’s wondrous creation, cannabis sativa, has reigned triumphant (see story on page 32).
Please find my enclosed votes for the Top 100. I’d like to add a comment to the letter from "The Burning Bush Ganja Co." We do love your rag HIGH TIMES, it’s the best source of information on shitheads like yourselves. It’s funny that month after month, I, a fuckin’ pig, read how this is such a screwed up nation, because law-respecting citizens want to stop you air-headed wastezoids from using illegal drugs.
Hearings that were convened last November to determine whether marijuana should be reclassified as a substance with some medical use concluded this past February 5 in a Washington, D.C. courtroom. A recommendation to the DEA on this action is expected from Administrative Law Judge Francis L.
When University of the Andes student Humberto Lopez was arrested during a recent protest in Mérida, an Andean city in western Venezuela, he appeared to witnesses to be completely healthy and sober. Yet twenty-four hours later he re-surfaced, dead, from what authorities claim was an overdose.
Like most of its corporate brethren, electronic manufacturing giant Motorola singles out marijuana—as well as other illegal drug—users among its prospective employees, while avoiding the issue of alcohol use or abuse. This is according to a copy of company drug-testing guidelines recently obtained by HIGH TIMES.
Yep, keep those copies of your company’s drug-testing guidelines coming in, boys and girls! Send 'em to: Highwitness News Piss Patrol, HIGH TIMES, 211 East 43rd St., New York, NY 10017, and watch your employer be humiliated by exposure in these pages of their craven, unconstitutional invasions of your privacy!
As long as there has been social progress, there has been a conservative trying to undo it. In the first century A.D., the Roman Emperor Maximus Tyrannus was known for his efforts to restore traditional values. He reinstituted cannibalism, wife beating, and the crucifixion of disobedient children.
Yeah, we know you guys must be bored to death with our semi-annual “Boy Do We Give Good Party!" story, filled with tedious boasting about our heroic frivolity appetites, and jammed with pictures of various fun-crazed staff members in embarrassing poses of mind-numbed imbecility.
The nomination of Douglas Ginsburg to the Supreme Court last fall focused attention on marijuana use in the United States. It wasn’t supposed to. In fact, Doug Ginsburg was supposed to be the conservatives’ savior, the man who would swing the majority disposition of the Court toward that of the New Right.
Though general anti-drug hysteria seems to be on the wane here in the land of the free, the practise of workplace drug-testing continues to grow into the realm of acceptability. Companies large and small are instituting testing procedures, both as a part of job-applicant screening (the most common and least-protested form of testing), and in noxiously intrusive, random gropings into their employees’ private lives.
The crack Highwitness News team is always on the lookout for the inside dope—er, make that inside story (aw, you know what we mean). Send any clip from your local paper that you think might interest us to: The Highwitness Newsboy Legion, HIGH TIMES, 211 East 43rd Street, 20th Floor, New York City 10017, and you’ll earn...our eternal gratitude!
Send quotations to: THMQ, 211 E. 43rd St., New York, NY 10017. THMQ is NOT a mail-order catalog and is intended solely for informational purposes. All entries should be typed or neatly written: If you are unable to compose a legible entry after testing your samples, please wait until you have control over your penmanship before sending us your information.
As far as pot is concerned, most of what I get is either green, skunky pot with lots of stems that sells for about $500 a quarter-pound. I sell it for $45 a quarter-ounce, and if folks complain about the stems, I’ll take them back and give them the difference in pot.
In a stunning legal decision that rocked the country, marijuana was declared legal. The Supreme Court, in a controversial split decision, declared that the federal AND state marijuana prohibition laws were invalid and unconstitutional.
Trapped in an alien biosphere, Ed Hassle dared defy a Queen from Outer Space!
excerpted from The Mysterious Case of Ed Hassle, published by The Weakly World News
Who are these people?
A famous writer from California was held hostage by an evil Queen from Outer Space who intended to keep him as a pet," states Dr. Franz Berber, a leading San Francisco psychiatrist. The writer, Edward P. Hassle, managed to escape with the help of another alien.
Here is a partial transcript of a tape recording made while Hassle was under regressive hypnosis:
Hmmm, clear...low humidity...good night to catch a thieving resin-snatcher...never do come out in the rain...sure hope this new flash attachment works. Hold on! What's that? Hmmm, it's coming closer...just a little closer...now those idiots at HIGH TIMES will HAVE to....
The Journey To The Mysterious, Lost, Forbidden, Unknown Isle of the Cycle Sluts From Hell
Our Intrepid Adventurer Explores the Land of Wild Pigs, Penetrating Wild Bushes and Setting Foot (and Hands) Upon Mounds of Untouched Pleasures, and Brings 'Em Back Alive!
The Cycle Slut Isle... At Last
Born To Get Laid
I first heard of “The Mysterious Isle of The Cycle Sluts From Hell" in a seedy Bowery bar. In the midst of the smoky haze and urine stench, a grizzled veteran of the Alley of Lost Souls told me an unbelievable tale of beautiful, wanton women, who had an insatiable thirst for uninhibited physical lust.
The normally tranquil waters of the art world were stirred recently by the startling news that four paintings by the notorious German conceptual artist, Kristan Kohl, had been discovered in the bar of a bowling alley near Millbrook, New York.
It takes a lot to get New Englanders excited. Scandals, natural disasters, and such just don't make the nut—but a flash point of sorts was reached in Connecticut last summer when a great white shark was sighted in Long Island Sound. The presence of a bloodthirsty killer, so close to batheable waters, caused a short circuit in the excitable brainpans of the populace.
Dear Ed, I am growing in the woods of northern Vermont. I have a total of 48 plants in several small patches. The plants are Afghani Mazar i Sharif variety, all grown from clones of my best female plant. The seeds were from the Seed Bank. The pictures were taken August 14, and the plants were 3½-4 feet tall.
1986 was the year Holland was greened. Everyone started to grow or made another attempt. Coffee shops carried sinsemilla on the top of their menus and demand for the best far exceeded supply, driving up the price. It is hard to believe that a few years ago, almost no one in Holland had ever heard of sinsemilla.
Dear Dr. Indoors, I have recently built a homemade, flood-type hydroponic system. I intend to use Rockwool cubes and the "Sea of Green" method, but I’m not sure how many times a day to flood the growing container. Should the area be flooded and drained immediately, or should the nutrient solution be allowed to remain in the container for a short period of time?
AN ACCELERATED, AUTOMATED ROOTING TECHNIQUE FROM THE CLONE PRINCE HIMSELF:
Da2ryl, wearing chaps, is dancing a raw chicken around the room. I could ask, but I’m afraid I might understand the answer. I’m at his cluttered, wooden castle to learn about Aerobic Auto Cloning (AAC)—an accelerated rooting, hassle-free technique, that requires no watering, monitoring, or looking in on the cuttings.
Watering plants, though a simple action of aiming a watering can and pouring, is a grower's most laborious and time-consuming task. Not any more, thanks to the new Ebb'n'Flow Table from Holland's FlowMagic. The Seed Club says of this revolutionary tidal-flow watering system, “This system is designed for a maximum output from a minimum of space.” With one standard table, the grower has the capacity of producing approximately 75 plantlets in less than 2.5 square meters of space! The possibilities are endless! Call or write for a free brochure and price list from the exclusive American importer of FlowMagic systems: Northern Hydroponics, P.O. Box 873789, Wasilla, AK 99687-3799; 1-800-327-0318. Visa and MasterCard accepted.
Turn your trash into stash with The Motorized Master Sifter! This miracle machine separates the glands without using your hands, sifting the material through a stainless steel filter and collecting it on a gathering tray. Electronic vibration does the work! The Motorized Master Sifter is hand-crafted from mahogany and given a durable polyurethane finish for long life. The deluxe model comes complete with a timer and light, and sells for $199.95. Order direct from C. J. Enterprises, P.O. Box 4084, Rockford, IL 61110; 1-815-962-4220. Satisfaction guaranteed!
Serious about growing productive gardens? Get the Rockwool Kit from Emerging Technologies, and change the way you grow forever! Kit comes complete with information on techniques and applications for maximum yield. See the Emerging Technologies ad on page 94, or send $4.95 (check or money order) to: Emerging Technologies, 7657 Winnetka Avenue, Suite 305, Canoga Park, CA 91306(California residents add32¢ sales tax.
I'm happy to be the first to announce some important new releases on video and records (or, of course, CDs). As a Russ Meyer fan I'm especially excited that he's decided to release all of the rest of his incredible adult sex/comedy/adventure features on tape!
The tip came over the phone when I was doin' my radio show. "Hound, there's some old guy up in Harlem, calls himself Satan. He's out there ever' day singing on the street. It's really your sort of thing, really nasty blues." Next stop, 125th Street.
Chef Ra is back in the psychedelic kitchen and he’s on a mission! The cross-cultural culinary movement is headed for the yuppie camp! Unlike my HIGH TIMES compatriot, The General— whose message to yuppies is very clear, “Surrender or die” and “Take no prisoners!”—Chef Ra differs and believes in mercy and compassion for the Babylonian lowlifes!
"Big Al" (or Alice, as she's known to the guys iwn the art department) used to work for HIGH TIMES doing paste-up and mechanicals. She'd drive all the men in the office crazy with lust and desire—especially when she'd dress in tight, skimpy outfits.
The long-promised, eagerly awaited results from the first annual HIGH TIMES Harvest Festival are finally in! We won't spoil the fun and tell you who won, but you can read all about it in our May issue (on sale April 19th). Plus, Taking Topo in the Amazon with Rosa Alemany and Rob Hambrecht, more on corporate urine-testing policies, Hep Cat gets busted, and a new, improved Media Room!