In your “Opinion” column I normally expect to see your support of gay rights, marijuana legalization or opposition to nuclear energy and weaponry. But when I read “Metric-System Fascism” [High Times, October '79] I was stunned. Opposing a system of measurement that every other industrialized country has adopted is totally asinine!
Q: I’m an asthmatic living in beautiful Hawaii, and a regular grass toker, but I have questions about our beautiful Hawaiian weed. When I smoke regular commercial grass I have no problem, but any time I torch up any fantastic green connoisseur pakalolo, I nearly cough my insides out.
Frustrated passion is just about the worst pain there is. It’s worse than gout, which is said to be the second worst pain after childbirth; worse than being eaten by a lion, which Livingstone, who experienced a bit of the process, said was neither particularly frightening nor painful at the time; much worse than being ruined, and even worse than the bereavement of friends and family.
Unity Press, Box 1037, Santa Cruz, California 95061
Peace Press, 3828 Willat Avenue, Culver City, California 90230
And/Or Press, P.O. Box 2246, Berkeley, California 94702
The Book Publishing Company, 156 Drakes Lane, Summertown, Tennessee 38483
Paladin Press and Sycamore Island Books, P.O. Box 1307, Boulder, Colorado 80306
Entwhistle Books, Box 611, Glen Ellen, California 95442
As one underground newspaper after another succumbed to the self-indulgent '70s, the veteran alternative journalists who had spawned them in the innocence of hippiedom and nursed them through the ordeals of rising costs, spotty revenues and mass disillusionment faced a challenge: whether or not the counter-culture could create outlets for the new generation’s creative, futuristic and political literature—which clearly had become almost extinct in the existing publishing world—on a new, commercially viable basis.
Eldridge Cleaver, who’s always been in the vanguard of cultural change, is about to start a new trend: being dead-again. The former Black Panther, former high-fashion designer (his pants with a pouch for the penis flopped in Paris), former born-again Christian, now embraces the Manichaean mumbo jumbo of that great theologian, Rev. Sun Myung Moon.
MANILA, THE PILIPPIES—If you can’t beat ’em, buy ’em, Manila mayor Ramon Bagatsing obviously believes. This year, any Manila ward leader who turns in a dope dealer will receive a reward of 5,000 pesos—but only upon conviction of the suspect.
WEST POINT—An undetermined amount of brown powdered opium has been nipped from a federal national-emergency facility here that stores everything from dope to diamonds to foul-weather gear. The discrepancy in the O stocks came to light during an internal audit of the storehouse by the federal General Services Administration (GSA).
QUEEN CHARLOTTE CITY, BRITISH COLUMBIA —Mushrooms are mushrooms, a judge here ruled last spring, and cannot sensibly be outlawed even if they happen to contain psilocybin, a psychoactive compound greatly enjoyed by heads everywhere. The synthesis of psilocybin in a lab from precursor chemicals may be against the law, ruled the court, but since the ’shrooms themselves don’t voluntarily make dope, then the ’shrooms can’t reasonably be condemned for containing it and are, therefore, perfectly legal substances.
Dial-a-Dope Lets Your Fingers Do the Scoring in Big Apple
NEW YORK—Potheads here no longer have to brave cops, muggers and fly-by-night dealers when they want a little weed. Now they can let their fingers do the walking—by calling up Billy Bud’s Pot Deli and Catering Service. In the time it would take to get a pizza, there is a knock at the door and a courteous delivery worker hands over an ounce—for $55 and maybe a tip.
FORT WAYNE, INDIANA—City narco agent Chuck Byroade, 31, is also a licensed druggist at the Jefferson Pharmacy here, and finds the combination highly productive. Not long ago, for example, Byroade was called to a Fort Wayne drugstore for a fake prescription collar: A man on crutches had submitted a Quaalude prescription, but the pharmacist spotted the doctor’s signature as an obvious forgery.
BELLINGHAM, WASHINGTON—According to the Everett, Washington, Herald, a woman who local cops say brought them six petty dope cases last year as a paid snitch has been accused by one bustee of entrapment for allegedly telling him he'd “score” if she did.
TOKYO—A freaked-out cabdriver was highly influential in prompting the first-ever bid by the National Police Agency for a linkup with South Korean authorities to break up the burgeoning Japanese speed trade. According to the cops, the cabbie got so strung out on crank one night that he picked up a police telephone in Shizuoka prefecture, two hours from here, and shrieked, “I am seeing things.
NEW DELHI—Three Nepalese citizens and two Indians popped in a large hash move here agreed to revenue agents’ request that they inform on their higher-ups in exchange for immunity—and promptly ratted on several foreign diplomats. Not named because they enjoy diplomatic immunity, the emissaries evidently split consignments of Nepalese among themselves and flew the stuff out in privileged courier planes.
Majority of Country’s $20, $100 Bills End Up in Florida
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Over half of all the $20 and $100 bills that were released into circulation in the United States during 1978 wound up in Florida banks, a joint study by the U.S. Treasury Department and the Drug Enforcement Administration has revealed.
LANCASTER, PENNSYLVANIA—Local Amish farmers here dimed on one of their coparishioners recently, tipping off state cops to two marijuana plants growing in his orchard. When the cops confiscated the plants, they also found 410 grams in a feed bag in the 40-year-old man’s hayloft.
TORONTO—The purported mastermind of the infamous 1978 “forklift” hash bust, which involved moving 625 pounds of Charas hash from India to Canada, has been sentenced to 18 years in the pen—the longest sentence ever handed out here for a soft-drug offense.
TEL AVIV—The trans-Israel hash trade came glaringly to light last fall, when it was revealed that civilian narcs here had nailed two career army officers red-handed with hash and opium in their Kiryat Ono flat. Under interrogation, one of the soldiers, both of whom were attached to the Mossad defense-intelligence networks, turned over and dimed on a top military officer and several civilians allegedly involved in the long-standing hash route that moves through Israel from Lebanon to Egypt and other Arab countries.
“And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth,” saith the Book of Genesis, chapter one, verse 29, “to you it shall be for meat.” So a person in Big Rapids, Michigan, last spring went forth into the field and did even strew a plot of marijuana seeds forming the name “Jesus Christ” in ten-foot-long characters upon the face of the land.
MADISON, WISCONSIN—Some 5,000 stoned revelers turned out for the University of Wisconsin’s harvest festival smoke-in, an event sponsored by the Wisconsin Student Association (WSA). Spending a good portion of their $70,000 annual budget, the student government sprung for bands, speakers, fireeaters and, most impressively, the scores of ounces of pot that were thrown to the screaming crowd.
CAPE TOWN—Federal cops landed a half ton of dagga, incredibly potent Bantu marijuana, in a raid on an exclusive home here in the Bishopscourt area. The identities of the 12 British citizens involved have been suppressed—the house is just around the corner from the British Embassy—but are known to include a 17-year-old boy and a 52-year-old woman.
A loose association of Washington, D.C., street vendors allegedly peddled a million bucks’ worth of snort last year along with their regular wares until the blow bazaar was brought down through simple bad manners. D.C. cops began putting the eight young men and women hawkers under close surveillance, they say, when other sidewalk trinket vendors complained of their unsociable, monopolistic behavior.
In like a lion, out like a lamb: That’s March. And in for a zee, in for a ki is how the narcs are working it nowadays, according to word from the suppliers’ end of the country’s evidence bins. It seems a lot of narcs aren’t satisfied anymore with being credited with measly gram busts of coke or pound busts of reefer, so to make a handsomer weigh-out in court they’ve taken to padding the stash with whatever happens to be lying around the cop shop—mannitol, parsley, spare tires and so on.
California Appeals Judge Popped for 323 Grass Seedlings
Oakland narcs had to use a pair of binoculars to get a bead on some 323 pot seedlings they claimed were “in plain view” on the balcony of California Court of Appeals judge Paul Halvonik’s Oakland home. Ironically, the seedling bust of the eminent magistrate (the entire evidence cache totaled less than one ounce, net weight) came down less than a week before the appeals bench itself, with Judge Halvonik necessarily absent, ruled that warrantless police binocular surveillance is as illegal as warrantless electronic bugging (see High Times, “Law,” December ’79).
Prices have skyrocketed over the past few months on all imported pot as the prolonged Colombian, Mexican and exotics drought continues. Fortunately, America’s home-grown and sinsemilla farmers have more than picked up the slack, producing such bountiful harvests that for the first time since sinsemilla appeared on the commercial market in the fall of 1975 the prices have dropped; sinsemilla that last year cost $175 an ounce and up can this year be copped for $140 an ounce and up.
Frank Zappa is probably the most misunderstood man in the history of popular music. A brilliant composer, arranger, satirist and critic, Zappa is nevertheless better known as an eccentric crank who writes funny and controversial songs.
Already people are comparing it to the great heavyweight bouts of all time: Dempsey-Tunney; Ali-Liston. The Great Smoke-out between “R.” and the chimp will rank with them as one of the great head-to-head championship encounters ever staged.
Over the past seven years an alarming number of seemingly normal citizens have been spotted leering strangely at advertisements in buses and subways, peering intently at magazine pages held upside down and sideways, and mumbling angrily to whoever will listen that they are seeing the most extraordinary things there: words like “sex” and “fuck” etched lightly into the pretty girl’s face in a cigarette ad, the command “U-Buy” scribbled in the background of a junk-food ad, skulls lurking in the ice cubes of a scotch ad, cocks and cunts airbrushed into ads selling everything from blue jeans to toothpaste to children’s toys.
According to Wilson Key, advertising artists are grand masters of the art of subliminals. But where did they learn it from? In The Clam-Plate Orgy, he points to some past grand masters as the source of the secret technique: Michelangelo, Holbein, Titian, Dürer and Picasso.
Who is most susceptible to subs? People who are the most perceptually rigid, older people. Kids up to about age eight are extremely flexible. Kids will find these implants where I won’t see them. But around the age of eight, the culturization process, or whatever you want to call it, starts to take effect, and it acts as a blinder.
Hang on to your heads, gang, here's the biggest revolution in smoking since Fidel first parked his Havanagrown stogies in the Cuban presidential palace. Just as fashionably tapered joints helped us enjoy the swinging ’60s and fat, conical spliffs were a hallmark of the self-centered ’70s, 100 percent ganja cigars are the long-lasting, hard-pulling, mind-marauding smoke for the ’80s!
Or, take two ayahuascas and ca11 me in the morning
When I first woke up at the age of six, I realized something I didn’t yet have the vocabulary to express; that if the universe is infinite then there is also an infinite variety of paths to connect with the universe. In 1971, while coediting with Ken Kesey The Last Supplement to the Whole Earth Catalog, our managing editor, Equipment Hassler, finally gave a proper name to my way of life.
How some great poets of the past might have sounded if they had been inspirationally wrecked on good grass
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Gerard Manley Hopkins
e e cummings
John Francis Putnam
See the gentle Hiawatha Take the flimsy wheaten paper, Tan and crisp, the La Croix paper, Even-burning, edge-gummed paper, Licking it with serpent's silver Tongue of quickness, like the adder, Then with dancing fingers spreading Happy grass along the paper, Sifted leaves without the seeds in, Lovely, psychedelic wampum!
Overgrown with creepers, bushes and eight-foot weeds in white and purple flower, the field danced with grasshoppers and monarch butterflies in the August sun. The sloping metal roof of an abandoned farm building glinted above the tangle of vegetation, and at 20 yards nearly every botanical specimen resembled the object of my search.
Under Gatewood Galbraith’s model plan, marijuana would be totally legal to grow and possess for personal use. Individuals could cultivate a specified number of plants—say, 10 or 20—without raising the presumption that they were growing for sale, and they could give any or all of them away without government interdiction.
It was the ultimate high. Propelled aloft in a private jet at several hundred miles per hour, some 30,000 feet above the surface of the earth, his soul began to peel apart from his body, gliding gracefully in tandem with both machine and flesh.
Rock 'n' rollers have paid lip service to the cause of alternative energy via media-grabbing events such as the series of No-Nukes concerts at New York City’s Madison Square Garden, but now for the first time rock 'n' roll itself has been powered by an alternative energy source.
FORT LAUDERDALE—On the anniversary of her husband’s death, a gray-haired widow boarded a bus here for a nearby shopping center, walked into a department store and came out with a dress she had not paid for. Later, after the security guard stopped her, she could not explain or even remember why she took it.
TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDA—Industrial pollution may be behind the dramatically plummeting birthrate in advanced countries, if a study at Florida State University here is duplicated elsewhere. Running sperm tests on 132 students, chemistry professor Ralph Dougherty determined that the median number of active sperm cells in each sample was 60 million per milliliter of semen—down from a 90-million median in 1929.
LOS ANGELES—Cryonics has come to botany. Noting that an estimated 200 plant species per year are being wiped out by humancaused environmental disruption, Dr. Harold Koopowitz of the UCLA botany department has begun collecting seeds and spores of such endangered vegetable life for preservation in liquid nitrogen and other deep-freeze apparatus.
MONTE CARLO—The new world backgammon champ is a four-foot-tall robot named Gammon 2-X, who won the title by besting the world’s human backgammon champ, Luigi Villa, in a recent bout here. The electronic android won four out of five games and a $5,000 award.
BELÉM, BRAZIL—It may sound like a modern El Dorado pipe dream, but it’s true: Fuel oil grows on trees in Brazil. Jungle folk call the tree copaiba (genus Copaifera), and have traditionally tapped its thick, golden sap for use in perfume base and as a healing ointment.
ASUNCION, PARAGUAY—The naturalized citizenship of Dr. Josef Mengele has been officially revoked by the supreme court here on the grounds that he has evidently been absent without cause for longer than two years. Mengele, the former chief physician at the Auschwitz concentration camp during World War II who is credited with personally supervising the deaths of approximately 400,000 people, was granted Paraguayan citizenship in 1959; according to the government, though, he hasn’t been seen in the country since 1960.
SCHEVENINGEN, THE NETHERLANDS—This venerable resort city is currently engaged in a massive and expensive urban makeover to provide a North Sea mini Mecca for Arab tourists. Throughout the '70s the Dutch have closely watched and coveted the Arab tourist boom in Great Britain, while Holland’s own tourism racket has ebbed slowly into the red: Last year Dutch tourists spent nearly $2.3 billion more abroad than the domestic tourist industry generated.
Pollution, Earthquakes May Spell Final Fall of Roman Empire
ROME—Last fall’s sharp earthquakes dropped “the last straw” on numerous ancient monuments already weakened by generations of smog and traffic vibrations, says Adriano La Regina, a city supervisor of antiquities. The eight granite columns supporting the 497 B.C. temple of Saturn on the via della Consolazione were shaken very nearly to the point of collapse.
LONDON—Firemen checking out their radiation-detection equipment last fall inexplicably picked up a massive burst of radiation emanating from the building right next door —the Israeli Embassy. The Greater London Council and the National Radiological Protection Board were instantly alerted, but shortly after they got to the scene the radio-active emissions ceased.
LONDON—Sexual fetishes for improbable objects like shoes, clothing, leather, feathers, photographs of nude people and so on may well be determined less by social factors than by biology, suggests a British psychologist. Most object-fetish obsessions are exhibited by men, and rarely by women, points out Dr. Glenn Wilson, and this has been so in virtually all cultures throughout history.
MOSCOW—According to the International Herald Tribune, the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency has succeeded in encouraging a new burst of petroleum development in this country and a vigorous search for energy alternatives. The USSR is one of the world’s largest oil producers, drawing approximately $6 billion per year from its exports, mainly to Eastern Europe.
PRETORIA—White people in this country currently consume 130 million doses of tranquilizers per year, according to the South African Medical Post, which averages out to 28 downs per person per annum. This represents a fourfold increase in national trank consumption since 1976, when whites averaged seven pills per year; in 1969, the average was less than two.
TOOWOOMBA, AUSTRALIA—“A woman and six neighbors had been trying to find the pig after someone saw it,” related a police spokesperson here, “and when it charged them they had to leap into their five-meter sailboat, parked in the backyard. The pig was bashing its head against the hull and rocking it from side to side.
SHANGHAI—A dozen African and Arab students had to be treated for injuries last fall as the new term at the university here commenced with three days of race-inspired street fighting between Chinese and foreign youths. The fighting, mostly in the vicinity of the harborside Textile Institute, was sparked when a Chinese student ordered an Arab dormmate to turn down his radio and was insulted in return.
Santa Salem, a used-car dealer in Cheshire, England, has out-Avis'd Avis—and made a bundle doing so. People respond in a big way, Santa has discovered, to promises that any auto they may buy from him will be the most dangerous, cranky and altogether ornery critter on the market.
DENER—People who move dope around by commercial airfreight services are not protected from warrantless search and seizure by airfreight-company employees. Magistrate Joseph Kane of the Colorado district court here, ruling in a cocaine bust, has regretfully concluded that although an oversight in a 1974 law governing air traffic allows “self-appointed policemen or vigilantes” to freely violate others’ privacy, “the current fashion in legal analysis suggests that this is acceptable.”
Funk, according to George Clinton, is the life rhythm of the universe. It’s the real Force. Whatever part of your body is ailing you, just lay it on the radio. “Funk not only moves, it can re-move.” Anyway, as Mr. Clinton, referee and chief medicine man of the Parliament-Funkadelic funk conglomerate, has thoroughly explained, these rhythms have power.
Andy Warhol’s Exposures is a big book of photographs and stories about Andy’s friends: Mick Jagger, Salvador Dalí, Muhammad Ali, Jackie Onassis, Joe Strammer, Liza Minnelli, Elizabeth Taylor, Truman Capote, Ted Nugent. . . .There are 681 names in the index, which begins conveniently on the inside of the cover.
At last, a coffee-table smut book. There’s something downright endearing about this turn-of-the-century soft-core, a sort of feeling that the folks who produced it were sincerely devoted to turning on their contemporaries by holding tightly to the rather murky but exceedingly formal conventions of Edwardian sexual fetishism.
That’s where you’ll want to put these colorful posters commemorating last fall’s series of all-star concerts sponsored by Musicians United for Safe Energy (MUSE). Six internationally renowned artists have donated their talents to create a stunning collection of graphics that convey the threat of nuclear power and promote safe energy alternatives. Pictured: Jan Sawka’s foreboding tableau of a man struggling to grasp a nonnuclear future, Seymour Chwast’s celebration of a solar-energy Uncle Sam and Bernard Bonhomme’s joyful vision of a safe, verdant environment. The project was conceived and directed by designer Lynn Hollyn, and posters are available for $5.95 each from MUSE, 72 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10011.
Hey pardner, you got a dull pair of western boots that need sprucin’ up? Then hitch your lasso around some Hot Tips, the guldurndest boot jewelry you ever did see. Pictured here is the Lone Star-style heel plate and toe tip, in 14 karat gold ($1,000 a pair) and sterling silver ($125 a pair), respectively. Also shown is a sterling silver collar tip ($75 a pair). Heel plates and toe tips also come in brass, to make you look better than a juicy hunk of cactus pulp looks to an ornery thirst-crazed sidewinder. Write: Hot Tips, 16 Barrow Street, New York, N.Y. 10014.
The recreational snuffing of exotic white powders threatens to supplant the home version of “Cross-Wits” as America’s favorite pastime, and bold Yankee paraphernalia entrepreneurs are meeting the demand for related accessories with increased ingenuity. Now comes a smart new style in the ever-popular paper envelope-type container from Stay-High Products, P.O. Box 662, New York, N.Y. 10011. It’s called Midnight, a moisture-proof, light-proof synthetic paper that features the unique practicality of an all-black surface to highlight the whiteness of your exotic powder. At $2 per package of 30, recreational snuffers are freed at last from long hours of bleary-eyed scraping and straining to see how much exotic white powder they have left to recreationally snuff.
You have a bad cold. You pick up your telephone to call a doctor. You sneeze. Before you’ve even dialed anyone, a voice comes on and says gesundheit. Hmm, seems you’ve got more than just a flu bug. Get yourself a Phone-Guard from the Cose Corp., Suite 200, 15 East 40th Street, New York, N.Y. 10016. Price $49.95. Just screw this miniature mechanical marvel into your phone mouthpiece and a red light will shine when any eavesdroppers or tappers intrude on your call. Great for dealers and bookies, a device so effective you’ll want one even if you don’t own a phone.
“Flash” spotlights the latest accoutrements of the high life, including playthings, paraphernalia, instruments of pleasure, gadgets for your work and for your home —anything that adds zest and style to your day. If you know of any item that should be reviewed in this department, please send it to the Flash editor.
FRISCO, TEXAS—Two purple blobs that Sibyl Christian found on her front lawn have defied analysis by space scientists, who say they haven’t ruled out the possibility they could be a rare form of meteorite. “It’s kind of like plum pudding," according to geochemist Doug Blanchard of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration near Houston.