FIFTEEN YEARS AGO, Esquire started publishing an annual Women We Love issue. Of course, it’s not as though Esquire suddenly discovered women in 1987. The magazine has been celebrating women for nearly all of its sixty-nine years. In the 1940s, Alberto Vargas inflamed the imaginations of American men everywhere with his paintings of scantily clad beauties, which were immediate classics.
This month, we wanted to push our already unorthodox approach to style features a little further. So fashion creative director Stefano Tonchi and editorial projects director Lisa Hintelmann commissioned a script from novelist and screenwriter JOHN RIDLEY, who gave us a classic Hollywood film noir of desperation, greed, and, of course, murder ("One Cool Remove," page 143).
The issue also included four stories about war, including vivid accounts of American soldiers fighting in Afghanistan— “Anaconda,” by John Sack, and “Mazari-Sharif” by WilS. Hylton—and short fiction about a wounded Vietnam veteran, “What Went Wrong,”by Tim O’Brien.
We don't claim to be a bunch of high-rollin' vegas types here at Esquire. Frankly, we're still a little fuzzy on that whole splitting-eights-and-aces business in blackjack. Still, we'd bet the ranch that the world's most dog-eared copy of The Ego and the Id is somewhere on lsabelle Huppert's nightstand.
Best Sports Instruction "Just how much your chest will interfere with your swing obviously depends on the size of your bust. Women with smaller chests will find that their backswing is less restricted than women whose chests present a greater obstacle....
Rule No. 286: There's no need to thank someone for a thank-you card. Rule No. 423: On forms where it says "sex," if you write "yes!" they have the right to crumple up your document and fire rubber bullets at your groin Rule No. 444: No one likes audiophiles—even other audiophiles.
THIS IS A TOUGH ONE. Can’t I just write something positive and uplifting about Hitler? See, the problem is I am a jackass. All men are jackasses, in the same way that all women are crazy. No offense, but the best ones are crazy 2 percent of the time, and the ornery ones 80 to 90 percent.
IT'S GOOD TO KNOW you can count on some things. A Hugh Grant movie will always have charming sputtering. An Al Pacino movie will never fail to deliver some exasperated shouting. And a James Spader film? Creepy sexual perversions. The guy is a master (at least onscreen).
There are two reasons to buy Time of Change (St. Ann's Press, $65): First, it's flat-out the best photography book about the civil-rights movement; second, it unfolds like a great political drama, beginning in New York in 1961 and ending in the South during the mid-'60s marches.
Until the 1860s, fishermen commonly tossed sturgeon roe to their pigs. Belugas can easily weigh a ton, making them the largest freshwater fish on earth. It's not unusual for a female sturgeon to carry 10 million eggs, and the beluga's ovaries can be as large as sheep.
What a lovely surprise. Zadie Smith—the author of the virtuoso debut novel White Teeth— has come out with a second book that is actually better than its predecessor: its dialogue funnier, its language even more plugged In, more wired. The Autograph Man (Random House, $26) is the story of Alex-Li Tandem and his loose club of friends—Adam, Joseph, Rubinfine, girlfriend Esther.
Rule No. 245: If a man is wearing a class ring, do not respect him. Rule No. 246: If a man is wearing a pinkie ring, do not fuck with him. Rule No. 247: If a man is wearing a ring with the papal insignia on it, then he is the pope. Try not to curse in front of him.
HE PROUDLY MODELS HIS COWBOY BOOTS, he snacks on Cheetos, he grills journalists about their love lives. Our president is at his wackiest—and most surprisingly likable—in Journeys with George, the best political documentary since The war Room.
John F. Kennedy was mulatto. Ho Chi Minh was obsessed with "Find a Word" puzzles. The Count of Monte Cristo never rose higher than second-assistant viscount. Walt Whitman discovered a rhyme for the word orange but refused to tell anyone Alan Greenspan's father is Lee Marvin.
Rule No. 47: In descending order of size: a tad, a soupçon, a smidge Rule No. 62: If you're making a sign to be held up at a sporting event, it doesn't hurt to use a dictionary. Rule No. 67: When someone sneezes four times in rapid-fire succession, one "bless you" will suffice.
You look like you need to put your feet up. Take a load off. Here are the chairs to help you do it.
I NEVER KNEW MY FATHER-IN-LAW—he died before I met my now wife—but I have heard that he died, of congestive heart failure, in the La-Z-Boy his kids had chipped in to buy him not long before he passed, ¶ My ex-father-in-law died in bed the day after riding the Greyhound from Cleveland to Orlando—one of those deep-vein-thrombosis deals—but every time I saw the man, he was kicked back in his recliner with a ball game on the TV and a smile on his puss.
Rule No. 212: Harvard Extension is not Harvard. Rule No. 274: You really need closer to two apples a day now to keep the doctor away Rule No. 396: Jewish comics are really funny in their 20s, 30s, and 40s, not so funny in their 50s and 60s, and then hilarious in their 70s.
Rule No. 69: A man over the age of 25 should not make innuendos about things that happen to involve the number 69. Rule No. 73: All bottled water comes from a faucet in Richmond. Rule No. 93: There is no thrill like the thrill of getting cash in the mail.
We're sure you didn't use Cliffs Notes in high school. Just like you didn't watch scrambled porn. Well, now comes SparkNotes, a new line of study guides for adults (written by Harvard grads) that we're sure you won't use, either, in addition to offering distillations of Shakespeare and Milton, SparkNotes also condenses and analyzes contemporary books like Snow Falling on Cedars and All the Pretty Horses.
PERHAPS YOU FEEL that flipping through catalogs—Victoria's Secret aside—makes you look a skosh effeminate. We're here to help. Try these. — DEREK FAGERSTROM > CABELA'S Rods, reels, bows, arrows, guns, ammo, even blowguns for the kids!
Food and Drink Rule No. 32: A PowerBar is just a candy bar in a shiny wrapper. Food and Drink Rule No. 33: A muffin is just a cake in the shape of a mushroom, Food and Drink Rule No. 52: Never order a drink whose name includes a part of the anatomy normally covered by underwear.
IT'S A BIG, THIRSTY WORLD, and people will drink just about anything. But will they share? Equipped with nothing more than a credit card and a modem, we thought we'd see. Our mission: to capture the yetis of beverage alcohol, tipples so exotic that you won't find them in any liquor store in America, ¶ Now, it's one thing to locate your mahua.
As a food writer, I feel compelled to tackle the great culinary dilemmas of our time. Daniel versus Le Cirque. Bordeaux versus burgundy. And, of course, J.Lo versus P. Diddy. Yes, in the most intriguing twist in this new blitzkrieg of celeb-owned restaurants (anyone who's ever bared a navel onstage feels they have the right to open one), we are in the midst of a battle between the gossip pages' favorite ex-couple.
What's the difference between "virgin" olive oil and "extra virgin" olive oil? Strictly speaking, the difference is based upon the oil's level of acidity: "Extra virgin," the highest grade and the most expensive, boasts an oleic-acid level below 1 percent, lower than the acid levels in "virgin" and "fine" olive oils.
The small Baptist church way down in the low country of North Carolina was conducting its quarterly baptism, and since it was summer-time, it was doing the baptism in St. Claire's Creek, which flows into the Tar River and has beautiful, clear, slightly tea-colored clean water.
We know what you're thinking: good-looking coat. Your dad wore an overcoat like this his whole life, a classic gray wool herringbone, heavy and handsome. But for all its proven good looks, this coat has a secret. No, it's not reversible, convertible, laminated, coated, or specially pretreated.
Welcome to Hollywood's casual chic. Equal parts Armani and Abercrombie, layering active wear with suit pieces is the hipster's trick to being comfortable and ready for anything. (Brad Pitt and Ethan Hawke have been pulling it off for years.)
The geek-ChiC revolution went down with the dot-coms, so if you're thinking about heading off to work in those vintage Air Jordans, think again. You can be comfortable and tasteful and still be cool (well, as cool as you can be, Poindexter) with the new crop of sneaker-shoes.
<p>JIMMY ROLLINS IS FEELING IT. He’s cruising through Penn’s Landing in his polished pewter Yukon, past the docks and the vacant lots, windows down and sunroof open, and his stereo’s bumping, a bit of Usher, some Cee-Lo, a little Nappy Roots.</p>
ESQ: Okay. So who's the toughest pitcher you've faced? MV: Pedro Martinez. Most people who get you out are guys who throw hard, or with pitches out of the zone. He throws strikes. He gets you out in the zone. ESQ: was it as hard to find an apartment in New York City as they say?
<p>CLINT EASTWOOD’S LONGEVITY proves that sticking to your guns has its uses, but it also proves that getting yourself venerated can make you lose all traction in the public’s imagination. A decade ago, the former Man with No Name nearly wore out his tux being saluted: dual Oscars for Unforgiven, gala MoMA retrospectives, lifetime-achievement awards from everyone except ex-girlfriend Sondra Locke.</p>
<p>THE ECONOMY is skittish as a little kitty, but a man's got to get from point A to point B, right? This is the way to do it. Do it in a sports car with improbable legroom. Or in a reborn muscle car. Or in a veritable land yacht with a fridge and a concierge button.</p>
<p>AS A STAUNCH CARNIVORE, proud to wave the fat-stippled flag of red meat at almost every meal, I feel obliged to point out that you are probably not about to have a cow. In this country, cows are chiefly used for milk, while steers (male cattle castrated as calves) are raised for beef.</p>
ALL AROUND THE WORLD, people with palates both simple and sophisticated are enjoying meals made from unmentionables. I am not one of them. At least not openly. But as a fan of force-meats (seasoned meat typically packed in a casing made from animal intestines), I do eat salami and sausage, regularly biting down on crunchy bits and pieces of who-knows-what from who-knows-where.
1. Women lust after younger men the same way men lust after younger women. But we don't marry them and let them take all our money. 2. Not all women love to shop. Regardless, we all hate "Shop-a-holic" novelty gifts— T-shirts, memo pads, refrigerator magnets—depicting a crazy-eyed woman engulfed in shopping bags and holding a smoking credit card.
<p>ARRIVING AT A THIRD-WORLD capital from the so-called developed world can be metabolically disruptive. A familiar logic displaced suddenly by an unfamiliar one jangles your body as much as your mind. Compared with landing in Lima or Djibouti, however, my arrival in Dakar was orderly in a familiar way.</p>
Your last boring vacation was your last boring vacation
EGYPT There comes a point when taking a cruise should involve more than a stop 'n' shop in Nassau, a washed-up Vegas act, and a warmed-over surf-and-turf buffet, in the amount of time you spend staring across a vacant horizon, you can be cruising down the River Nile, giggling with a drink in your hand as modern antiquity unfolds on both sides in a patchwork of blues, greens, and yellows.
[COSTA RICA] I'm screaming past macaws and tree frogs 130 feet above solid ground, and I'm wearing a condom. At breakfast, Tarzan and Jane, our group's veteran adventurers, told a charming tale set in Borneo of a leech that found its way, well, inside Tarzan's loincloth—hence the rubber, which proves blessedly unnecessary.
Your last boring vacation was your last boring vacation
LEBANON As a child growing up in the thick of Lebanon's 15-year civil war, Ronald Sayegh and his family still managed to get away during winter to the mountains outside Beirut, where ski season offered a tranquil, if momentary, escape from the chaos.
Your last boring vacation was your last boring vacation
CHILE White-water rafting in the winter? Hell, yeah. In northern Patagonia, the Rio Futaleufú snakes out of Argentina and into Chile for 100 miles before dumping into the Pacific. The "Fu" is Caribbean clear, a soft emerald green, and along 50 miles of its nastiest twists and slides, Eric Hertz will take you bucking over the best class IV and V rapids in the Americas—quite possibly in the world.
reflects on Greek relatives, the power of Shaun Cassidy, her short-lived turn as a belly dancer, and, of course, that TV show others.
<p>I'm at this restaurant and the friend who I'm eating with gets up to go to the bathroom. At a nearby table, a woman is eyeing me, and I know she’s just waiting for the right moment to swoop in for the kill. This happens all the time. People feel a certain level of comfort with you when you’re in their living room; they feel you’re approachable.</p>
<p>LEANN RIMES It was a dark time. My otherwise sane and cultivated father—for reasons that remain obscure—became addicted to the Nashville Network. I feared I’d lost him. But then, from out of the darkness, there was light. He began preaching to me about a thirteen-year-old girl with dishwater-blond hair and the voice of Patsy Cline.</p>
IN 1973, my brother Frank declared that his life's goal was to be a drummer for Cher. He was nine years old. I couldn't blame him. In those days, when we watched her rattle that little back-and-forth with the first Bono on a twelve-inch black-and-white TV, she gave us the ball-buzzing vibe of a best friend's naughty older sister, the kind of cocky, overly experienced girl who knew better than anyone else what she wanted, what she could do, when, and to whom.
IT IS BETTER TO MARRY THAN TO BURN, wrote Saint Paul, but we might add that the allure of another man’s wife can be such that it is her marriage that causes the burning. Anyone who doubts this need only ask himself which personification of Nicole Kidman was more darkly and perplexingly elusive—the woman committed to the role of Mrs. Tom Cruise or the woman now free to date Tobey Maguire.
NAME: Maura Tierney, ER's nurse Abby Lockhart LUCKY BASTARD: Actor/director Billy Morrissette (Scotland, PA) HOW TO STEAL HER AWAY: She's a diehard dog lover with a pug named Rose Kennedy. You get a pug and name it Joseph Kennedy. "Accidentally" bump into her and Rose at the dog park, and the rest should be history.
How do you take photographs of women wearing very little clothing and still be respected in the morning? I’ll tell you.
THERE ARE TWO KINDS OF WOMEN IF YOU PHOTOGRAPH THEM NUDE. There's the kind that you expect to be sexy. Then there's the kind that you think would never do a nude. And for some reason, when you ask the second kind of woman to pose nude, it's a different story—because the nudity becomes totally unimportant.
People who really aren't bright become major executives. Don’t quote me on that. Well, you can quote me. Some people. I’m afraid. I’m not bulletproof. Nobody’s untouchable. Acting's very existential. It happens in the moment. The dilemma, the challenge to the actor, is to capture that moment again.
NOTE —CROSS OUT ENTIRE LINE WHEN RECEIVED AND RE-USE UNTIL ALL LINES ARE FULL.
John H. Richardson
<p>OVERVIEW: It seems clear now that we overplayed our hand. Having gotten spectacular coverage from the trade and mainstream press, we put the Zucker Unit forward for a personality profile in a prominent monthly magazine. The timing was promising, as he was engaged in the great task for which he was designed, finding a replacement for the sitcom Friends.</p>
Welcome to noir Hollywood, where money buys happiness, talk is cheap, and trouble is a tall, cool blond in a low-cut dress, inspired by the most stylish genre in the history of film, novelist and screenwriter John Ridley penned some scenes to help Esquire showcase the classic suit styles that are just killing them this season.
<p>We're in the backyard of a house in Beverly Hills. Manicured lawn. Citrus trees. Pool. Sitting in a lounge chair by the cool waters is KARI—twenty-something, L A. good looks, meaning her beauty is evident from a distance. In another lounge chair, close to Kari, is NICK, slightly older, also good-looking.</p>
REMEMBER BULLIES? There's now a movement to eradicate them, legislate them out of existence. The movement got a lot of its momentum from the boy pictured above, ts name is Jonathan Miller. He hit a boy. The boy died. Jonathan's doing life. This is a story about what children do to other children and what happens when we decide that children deserve to be treated precisely like adults.
<p>THERE IS NOTHING ON THIS EARTH SO TERRIBLE AS A TERRIBLE BOY. A terrible boy has learned the specifics of cruelty without learning the generality of mercy. A terrible boy worships what is worst in himself and despises what is best. A terrible boy is alienated by his own sense of enmity and seeks connection through the certainties of slaughter.</p>
Store Information For availability of the items featured in Esquire, call the phone number or consult the Web site provided. The Style Guide, p. 59: Perry Ellis coat, www.perryellis. com. P. 62: Nautica jacket, sweater, and pants, 877-628-8422.