While he usually covers the world of sports in his column, The Game (page 46), this month versatile writer at large Charles P. Pierce examines America's romance with the cosmos and how the controversial Hubble Space Telescope, once the laughingstock of NASA, is rekindling that curiosity. In "A Journey to the Beginning of Time," page 78, Pierce explores the telescope's rocky past and pays a visit to the Space Telescope Science institute at Johns Hopkins University, where the Hubble now sends back previously unimaginable images of cosmic events dating back billions of years.
The sight of Heidi Klum au naturel on our June cover, illustrating Wil S. Hylton's provocative article on gene patenting ("Who Owns This Body?"), caused a ruckus of its own. Leave it to Esquire to print the most serious story in years with a picture of an übermodel without her undies! Thanks.
The Planet of the Apes actress gives us her top five monkey movies of all time
IF SHE WERE OUR MUSE, we'd make brilliant films, too. Lisa Marie—former Calvin Klein model, buxom Mars Attacks! alien, Ichabod Crane's beloved mom in Sleepy Hollow—is once again appearing in a movie directed by her boyfriend, Tim Burton.
Most Striking Image —A photo of a Harlem youth in 1963, by Leonard Freed, one of dozens of great journalistic images newly for sale on eyestorm.com Best insect Simile JIMMY: I’m going to be as quiet as an ant pissing on cotton. JOE: I don’t want you as quiet as an ant pissing on cotton.
It began with a couple of no-name actors, a convenience store, and an infamous new definition of the verb snowball. And now, almost eight years after Clerks, writer-director KEVIN SMITH, below, will end his Jersey-based saga with this month's Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.
WEAKEST LINK'S ANNE ROBINSON IS TO OSCAR WILDE AS: a) Tomb Raider is to Tron b) Taupe is to beige c) Marilyn vos Savant is to Albert Einstein<o d) Tofurky is to turkey EMERIL LAGASSE'S SITCOM IS TO CELEBRITY CHEFDOM AS: a) Chernobyl is to nuclear energy
A COUPLE OF MONTHS from now, I’ll be putting together my annual list of best new restaurants, but if I had to write that article today, I’d want to proclaim Lutèce the best new restaurant of 2001. There is, of course, one nagging problem: Lutèce is now 40 years old.
IN-FLIGHT MOVIES MAKE ME CRY. Something about the nature of the plane itself, I guess; something about the prolonged exposure to infinity in such a desperate and wretched enclosure. You have to face yourself and the people sitting next to you, and the ground, and the sky, and what's beyond the sky.
YEARS AGO, 1 worked nights at a nursing home, the only white man on the shift. 1 passed the time by smoking weed. One night l was getting high with Michael, another orderly. We weren't friends, but the dope was golden, and he opened up. "Man," Michael said, very solemn, "when it gets down to it, 1 need a white woman."
REMEMBER THAT GUY IN COLLEGE who told you, within ten minutes of meeting you, that he'd read The Hobbit 11 times before his 18th birthday and dressed up as Bilbo Baggins every year for Halloween? I never trusted that guy. I never trust any postpubescent man who spends his time reading about trolls, dastardly villains, and pint-sized sorcerers.
THE BEAUTY OF the multi-time-zone watch is that it becomes a means of displaying the fact that you need a multitime-zone watch. That your international jet-set life is playing out not just here but in other far-flung corners of the world that are inevitably more glamorous and alluring than your present location.
According to early scouting reports, the final year of the millennium produced the best grapes in recent memory, possibly even rivaling the region’s fabled 1982 vintage. High sugar and acid levels and a wellbalanced structure add up, as the French might say, to a très tasty wine.
YOU KNOW WHEN YOU WAKE UP from a dream thinking, 'Tm a genius’’? Your subconscious has figured out the answer to something important, but your waking self can’t remember what. Dogwalker (Knopf, $20) reminds us how much smarter the back of the brain is than the front.
Rule No. 127: Never trust a man who uses vibrato while singing "Happy Birthday." Rule No. 219: Never trust an act of civil disobedience led by a discjockey. Rule No. 232: People will compliment you on the cheap artwork you purchased at IKEA, but it will feel hollow.
ESQUIRE'S ANSWER FELLA believes that there are no stupid questions, just stupid people who don't ask questions, fearing they'll look stupid. So ask Answer Fella anything. If he doesn't know the answer, he'll find out who does, or who has a guess that sounds right.
WORD ON THE STREET is that the executives at DaimlerChrysler are considering bringing their currently Euro-only Smart car to these shores sometime in the near future. To which we say: How 'bout next week ? See, we need the Smart bad. Particularly in our cities, where once upon a time there was something called “rush hour" and it was actually an hour.
RETAIL STOCKS ARE BOOMING, BUT IT WON’T LAST FOR EVERYONE
<p>I imagine every dork financial writer in his-l tory has a favorite girlfriend, the one who got away. For me, it was a darkhued Italian, and, yes, I even wrote a song called “Jennifer” for her. Here’s the kind of thing I dug about her: Although she dressed with loud; flair, she was fanatically loyal to white Jaclyn Smith underwear sets; available only at Kmart.</p>
My Andre the Giant street stickers challenge people to reexamine their surroundings; Rotten money tries to do this with cash. Named for the lead singer of the Sex Pistols—the band that swindled the music industry without compromise, then self-destructed before they could be subsumed by it—the bill gives the power of value back to its holder.
just when you thought] companies don't do enough to win your love, one of them steps :up to woo you. Take Pre-Paid Legal, a sort of HMO for legal help. Because of the controversial way it accounts for commissions, some think PrePaid's profits appear larger than they actually are.
Hitting solid line drives with this playbook on almost every stock. The sole exception: McDonald's, which has been trying to make a move higher with what i'll begrudgingly admit is some small success—but not as much as expected by those who thought it would rocket as soon as mad cow and hoof-and-mouth were off the nightly news.
In a private barn in the rolling hills of eastern Kentucky, the greatest racehorse in the world, Seattle Slew, shows he still knows how to finish
Charles P. Pierce
<p>RICKY WILLIAMS, a preacher and certified master of Reiki energy healing, is thinking at the greatest horse in the world, and I have interrupted him, and the master is not altogether pleased. Birdsong rides the sweet spring breezes into the barn, where it is drowned out by circular new-age music that rounds back on itself in a kind of inchoate instrumental drone that sounds to admittedly old-age ears like the slow disembowelment of a herd of cellos. </p>
Today’s gross-out comedies vent our phobias the way sci-fi shockers did in the fifties. But that’s not the only reason they’re the most interesting movies around.
<p>o DOUBT IT'S PREMATURE to assume that Tom Green’s Freddy Got Fingered will be the most hated movie of 2001. Hell, O. J. could be filming a Christmas story as we speak: “If it’s from the Gap, you must unwrap." Barring that, though, Green’s debut looks like a shoo-in, and don’t say the hype didn’t warn you.</p>
It’s 7:15 in the A.M. Eighteen holes from now, I quit. Forever.
THE THREE OF US STAND at the first tee. Planes rise above our heads from the nearby airport, noisily crabbing their way up into a viscous wind. I put my thumbs to my ears. My brother is first up. He tees it up and says something. I’m sure it matters, but I can’t hear.
On December 22,2000, author Curtis Pesmen, forty-three, learned he had colorectal cancer. Following chemo and radiation treatment, surgery was scheduled for April 3. This article is the fourth in a series. Pre-Op Pep Talk “Hey,” I say to my wife, Paula, after the travel alarm chirp-chirp-chirps us awake, “let’s go get some cancer out.”
Bad haire cuts are pretty bad. But think of it this way: It could be worse. It could be a lot worse. Take Albert Anastasia, one of the Mafia’s most notorious hit men and a principal of Murder Inc. One day, Anastasia stepped into a New York barbershop.
ENOUGH ABOUT YOU. THIS IS WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BED.
<p>FOR ALMOST EVERY MAN, it seems to come as a surprise: That day you first realize how her smile is etching fine lines at the corners of her mouth. The time you notice that she’s massaging her hands or holding the newspaper at arm’s length. Or when you spy that little shape shift in her breasts.</p>
she was twenty-nine when you saw her in that little T-shirt in Alienr Now she’s fifty-freaking-one.
<p>MAY BE A LITTLE Unusual in this, but I’ve always loved eginning a new decade. By the time I was twenty-seven or twenty-eight, I wanted to be thirty. By the time I was thirty-nine, I was having a child and forty didn’t register on my scanner at all.</p>
<p>You can't see the beginning of time if you just look straight at it. The most sensitive receptors in the human eye are along its edge. They deal with dim light and shadows, with the grays and mysteries and maybe-maybe-nots of the perceivable world.</p>
Chris Kattan likes to dress up. As a Saturday Night Live cast member, he's played everyone from the Queen Mum to the sequined-short-shortwearing Mango, and he'll sport cheap FBI suits for Corky Romano, the Mafia spoof due out in October.
BECAUSE THE WOODS ARE BEAUTIFUL. BECAUS TOGETHER FOR TWO WEEKS EVERY YEAR. BEC WORK OF NATURE. AND BECAUSE, WELL, HAVE E IT IS A THING THAT BROTHERS AND SONS DO \USE YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE PERFORMING THE YOU EVER TASTED JOE’S VENISON NECK ROAST?
Jeanne Marie Laskas
<p>He thinks of himself as an intruder in a deer’s living room. It doesn’t bother him to be an intruder, doesn’t bother him in the least. He’ll tell you what, why should it? Does it bother an owl to be an owl? Does it bother a coyote to be a coyote? He doubts it.</p>
And their names are Baby, Cindy, Susan, Nobody, Joey, Heather, vangie, Roger, Martha, Mother, Piggy, Bambi, Rosey, and ONE.(An adverture in multiple-personality disorder.)
<p>So there we were, all snug and cozy in the living room at Big Buck Ranch, Roseanne's mountain retreat near Lake Arrowhead, California. Night had fallen; the windows were mottled with frost, a thin blanket of early-November snow covered the grounds.</p>
What did you do today? Did you take a two-ton car and guide it along a banked oval at nearly two hundred miles per hour? Jeff Gordon did. Of course, he did it alongside forty-two other drivers, meaning things got a little busy. For Gordon, however, even the chaos of racing can be boiled down to some very simple elements. "when it comes down to the end of a race," says the three-time champion, right, “it's my job to finish ahead of as many drivers as possible.
<p>Race-car driver, 64, Level Cross, North Carolina The first thing I learned about an automobile was how to wash it. I always compare my family to a farming family. My father was in the racing business instead of being a farmer. When I grew up, I started in the racing business instead of milking cows.</p>
<p>Well, he’d been wrong, Martin had to admit, as Monhegan began to take shape on the horizon. Wrong about the island, about the ferry. Maybe even wrong to make this journey in the first place. Joyce, Clara’s sister, had implied as much, not that he’d paid much attention to her, colossal bitch that she was. </p>
Store Information For availability of the items featured in Esquire, call the phone number or consult the Web site provided. The Guide, p. 65: Origins Shampoo, 800-674-4467; www.origins.com. Anthony shampoo, 888-822-7639. Frédéric Fekkai Shampoo, 888-333-5524; www.sephora.com. Aequa di Giô pour Homme Shampoo, www.giorgioarmani.com.
ESQUIRE: So, Professor Luft, your theory, is it the Theory of Everything that scientists have been searching for? LUFT: That's just jargon. What they call the "buzz language." For now, I feel confident in calling it the Theory of Everything So Far.