Issue: 19990401

Thursday, April 1, 1999
April
4
True
131
Monday, July 13, 2015
5/23/2018 8:36:54 AM

Articles
cover
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Esquire
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0001.xml
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0_2
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0002.xml
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0_3,0_4,1
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Advertisement
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0003.xml
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2
2,3
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Prada
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PRADA
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0004.xml
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4
4,5
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Volkswagen
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Volkswagen
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0005.xml
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6
6,7
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Bill Blass
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BILL BLASS
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0006.xml
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8
8,9
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Eddie Bauer
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Eddie Bauer
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0007.xml
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10
10
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Advertisement: Courvoisier
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COURVOISIER
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0008.xml
tableOfContents
11
11,14
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Esquire
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0009.xml
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12
12,13
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Kodak
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KODAK
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0010.xml
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15
15
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Advertisement
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0011.xml
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16
16
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Advertisement
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0012.xml
masthead
16
16
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Esquire
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0013.xml
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17
17
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Advertisement
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0014.xml
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18
18,19
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Gm Corp.
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GM Corp.
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0015.xml
article
20
20
The Sound & The Fury
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Breast Assured
Some readers didn't approve of Esquire's selecting Pamela Anderson (February cover) as the perfect representative of our whole big, fat falsie culture. Others, however, did.
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I know Pamela is widely popular—almost as harsh an indictment of our society as Bill Clinton’s approval rating—hence the February cover. But I expected more than a description of prosthetic breasts in the article (“Breasts, Reassessed,” by Mim Udovitch); e.g., does she deflate those things before going to sleep?
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0016.xml
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21
21
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Advertisement
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0017.xml
article
22
22
contributors
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Contributors
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It took writer at large Mike Sager ten weeks to find the right subject for “The Secret Life of a Beautiful Woman” (page 90), the latest chapter in what he refers to as his anthropology series. (Last September, Sager took us into the life of a ninety-two-year-old man.)
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0018.xml
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23
23
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Sebago
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SEBAGO
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0019.xml
article
24
24
editor's letter
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Back at Work
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David Granger
Last September, we ran a story about Gary Webb. Charles Bowden wrote it. It was called “The Pariah.” In 1996, Webb reported a groundbreaking three-part series for the San Jose Mercury News. He demonstrated persuasively that, in the 1980s, CIA operatives had allied themselves with cocaine traffickers in order to help finance the contra war in Nicaragua.
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0020.xml
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25
25
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Advertisement
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0021.xml
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26
26
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Advertisement
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0022.xml
article
27
27
esky
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Esky
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Nobody knows you. No one, not even your most trusted associates, knows the full horror of your accumulated indiscretions or the adolescent rituals you perform even now. This part of your life, this hidden life, will have to remain secret for the time being and, hopefully, immemorial.
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0023.xml
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28
28,29
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Philip Morris Inc.: Merit
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Philip Morris Inc.
MERIT
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0024.xml
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30
30
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Gucci
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GUCCI
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0025.xml
article
31
31
Man at His Best
ESQUOTE
Ellen Barkin
SHE SAYS SHE DIDN'T BECOME AN ACTRESS BECAUSE SHE'S BEAUTIFUL. NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH BEING BEAUTIFUL...
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She has played many terrific roles with many excellent costars—De Niro, Voight, that kind— and yet she will always be famous for her incendiary love scenes with Al Pacino in Sea of Love (wherein, thankfully, Al mostly left the disrobing to her).
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0026.xml
article
32
32
Man at His Best
DRIVING
Trading the Mini for a Man Van
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PHIL PATTON
If you take the sticker price of, say, a BMW M Roadster and divide it by its interior volume in cubic feet, you get a figure like $920.64. A Toyota Camry, the best-selling passenger car in America, comes to $364. But an extended-body Chevy Express van runs you a mere $86.16 for each of its 317 feet of space.
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0027.xml
article
32
32
Man at His Best
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A Road Trip Down Memory Lane
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Jim Adams
That's what Thomas K. (soon to be Tom) Wolfe said about the future of the Bad Guy hot-rodders more than thirty years ago in "The Kandy-Kolored Tangerine-Flake Streamline Baby," which originally appeared in Esquire in 1963. Well, Tom was right.
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0028.xml
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33
33
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American Honda Motor Co., Inc.: Accord Ex V-6 Coupe
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American Honda Motor Co., Inc.
Accord EX V-6 Coupe
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0029.xml
article
34
34
Man at His Best
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How Tarantino Has Blessed Us
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TOM CARSON
Bad boy emeritus Quentin Tarantino has suffered some backlash for spawning a generation of sprightly shaggy-dog stories about inept criminality. But a movie like Go, the second theatrical feature from Swingers director Doug Liman, demonstrates just how reliable a template Pulp Fiction's erstwhile innovations have become.
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0030.xml
article
34
34
Man at His Best
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Actually, Upon Further Reflection, T. S. Eliot Was Right About April
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Last month, Esquire begged to differ with the great poet and writer, suggesting that not April but March—which saw the start of the 1918 Spanish-influenza pandemic and the birth of Celine Dion—is the cruelest month. A closer look at the history books has proved us wrong.
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0031.xml
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35
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Advertisement: Smirnoff Vodka
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SMIRNOFF VODKA
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0032.xml
article
36
36
Man at His Best
MATERIAL MAN
The Art of Mixing
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The navy sport coat you've got down cold: the flannels, the khakis, the jeans. It's the checked one, the one the salesman matched—to only one pair of trousers and only one shirt, both bought on that same day—that's tougher to coordinate. Tougher, but not impossible, if you consult this practical guide.
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0033.xml
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37
37
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Advertisement: Rockport Shoes
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rockport shoes
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0034.xml
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38
38,39
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L.l.bean
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L.L.Bean
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0035.xml
article
40
40
Man at His Best
MUSIC
Joe Henry
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CHRISTOPHER BEREND
Joe Henry is sitting on the back porch of the Los Angeles home he shares with his wife and two kids. His seven-year-old, Levon, is swinging from the gate of the wooden fence, his blond hair flapping to and fro. The noise Henry’s talking about comes from the studio in his yard, where he cranks out much of his well-polished rock and pop.
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0036.xml
article
40
40
Man at His Best
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Kickin' It in Slippers
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There's the baggy $90 Maurice Malone jeans. The $2,000 Versace suits. The who-knows-how-much 24-karat gold. And then there's the $10-a-pair Kmart corduroy house shoe. No, these humble kicks don't seem as if they'd be a standard part of the standard hip-hop guy's getup, but this rubber-soled, Bunkeresque foot cozy surely, suddenly, is. With brands like Kinsman and Coaster, the house shoe has been celebrated in song by rappers like WC and Kurupt and is the established footwear of choice in blaxploitation film: You can see Larenz Tate thugging about town in a pair in Menace II Society and watch Ice Cube's tube-socked feet slide into a pair onscreen in Friday.
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0037.xml
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41
41
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Bmw
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BMW
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0038.xml
article
42
42
Man at His Best
READING
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue. What’s with All the Rhyming?
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JIM ADAMS
Are you curious to know what the next great nation-sweeping pop-cultural revolution will be? What is it that will follow the manly phenomena of cigars and steaks and martinis and leased luxury cars? Would you believe poetry? No, probably not, but it seems to be true.
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0039.xml
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43
43
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Kahlúa Liqueur
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KAHLÚA LIQUEUR
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0040.xml
article
44
44
Man at His Best
DRINKING
Weiss Squad
WASH DOWN SPRINGTIME WITH THE SEASON'S FINEST WHEAT BEERS
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ANDREA IMMER
Springtime means different things to different people: baseball, barbecues, umbrellas, less clothing, dropping the convertible top, mating season. To me, the most restorative rite of spring is the unveiling of the new wheat beers. Thanks to the microbrew phenomenon, most American beer drinkers’ tastes have grown up a lot in the last few years, and wheat beer—a German style traditionally launched in spring for refreshment throughout the summer—has emerged as a favorite formula.
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0041.xml
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45
45
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Canali
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CANALI
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0042.xml
article
46
46
Man at His Best
EATING
Island of the Damned Good Food
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JOHN MARIANI
Fine with me: You want to sneak in the back door of Cuba through Mexico, stay in some shabby hotel in Havana, drink watered-down daiquiris, and eat Third World food, go right ahead. I prefer the air-conditioned splendor of a modern hotel in Puerto Rico—easily the most underrated resort area in the Caribbean—where I know I'll find some of the most exciting food in the Americas.
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0043.xml
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47
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Advertisement
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0044.xml
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48
48,49,50
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Merck & Co., Inc.: Propecia
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Merck & Co., Inc.
PROPECIA
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0045.xml
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51
51
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Pix Movie Service
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PIX Movie Service
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0046.xml
article
52
52,54,56,57,58
Green
SPECIAL EDITION: INVESTOR'S GUIDE
The Thrill of Stocks
And the tools to take the mystery out of buying them
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Ken Kurson
This story should be ten words long. There are endless ways to evaluate stocks, countless formulas based on arcane data, innumerable signs to read. But the answer to the question at the core of all of this— What's a stock really worth?—takes just ten words: Any stock is worth whatever someone will pay for it.
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0047.xml
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53
53
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Advertisement: Allure
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ALLURE
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0048.xml
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55
55
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Advertisement
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0049.xml
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56A
56A,56B,56C,56D
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Greg Norman
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GREG NORMAN
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0050.xml
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59
59
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Pfizer Inc
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Pfizer Inc
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0051.xml
article
60
60,62,63
the screen
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Ten Things You Can't Say About the Movies
In preparation for this year’s Oscars...
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Tom Carson
If Jack Nicholson's a rebel, Fidel Castro must be a baseball player. It's become an Oscar-night ritual for the proceedings to include a moment of fawning over Hollywood's most venerable bad boy. Nicholson's iconic status as the establishment’s fave nonconformist should tell you how anxious the real thing makes bizzers, and how much happier they are when it’s just shtick; his trademark impudence upsets no industry applecarts, and Charlton Heston took more risks with his career.
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0052.xml
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61
61
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Girard-perregaux
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GIRARD-PERREGAUX
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0053.xml
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63
63
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William Grant & Sons: Glenfiddich
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WILLIAM GRANT & SONS
Glenfiddich
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0054.xml
article
64
64,66
the page
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Marquee Names
As his apocalyptic first novel careens to the screen, and with a jittery new book just published, Chuck Palahniuk is becoming (in)famous for his last words
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Sven Birkerts
JUST AFTER Christmas, sight-seeing in New York, I stood with my four-year-old son on the corner opposite the Empire State Building. We squinted up. I pointed. "In a few minutes," I said, “we’re going to be up there, looking down.” He waited, blinked, and then did one of his eye-rolling double takes, making sure as he did that the other adults in the group were watching.
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0055.xml
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64A
64A,64B
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Giorgio Armani: Acqua Di Giò
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GIORGIO ARMANI
ACQUA DI GIÒ
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0056.xml
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65
65
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Advertisement
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0057.xml
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67
67
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Mephisto
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MEPHISTO
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0058.xml
article
68
68,70
the culture
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The Best Band in the World
If you finally hear Sleater-Kinney’s music on your radio, you’ll know that the whole notion of radio—and maybe the world—has changed
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Greil Marcus
YOU'VE NEVER heard the song before. It's impossible to imagine it on the radio, because it's so strong. Like Sex Pistols records, which are almost never played on the radio, it might destroy whatever came before or after. The song is “Start Together”—the first cut on The Hot Rock, a new album by a band called Sleater-Kinney.
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0059.xml
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69
69
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Callard & Bowser-suchard Inc.
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Callard & Bowser-Suchard Inc.
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0060.xml
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71
71
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Advertisement
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0061.xml
article
72
72,74,75,76
the lives of men
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Up From the Gutter
The world’s best bowling hustler is leaving the shadowy “action” game behind for the bright lights of the PBA. Rudy Revs wants to be a contender.
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Steve Friedman
It was after midnight. I knew that sometimes in matches like this, you either lose a lot of money or, if you win, you're lucky to get out of there. We look around the parking lot. I'm thinking, We're gonna get mugged. I’m thinking, This is ugly. —Professional bowler David Ozio, remembering bowling an action game against Rudy Kasimakis MOST MEN DON’T leave bowling alleys at sunrise, but he has left many then.
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0062.xml
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73
73
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Philip Morris Inc.: Parliament Lights
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Philip Morris Inc.
PARLIAMENT Lights
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0063.xml
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75
75
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Advertisement: Canadian Mist
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CANADIAN MIST
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0064.xml
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77
77
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Advertisement
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0065.xml
article
78
78,80,82
america
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Put the Wet Stuff on the Red Stuff
The wet stuff being water, the red stuff being flame. The torch song of the volunteer firefighter.
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Mike Perry
THE SPRING, the fall, I don't remember—I just recall that it was one of those brown days, leached and barren with cold. The fire phone rang, its unbroken jangle like a logging chain slung down a coal chute, and the siren on the water tower sawed into the air as it does every day at noon and nine, only this time twice, so anyone working outside would know it was a fire.
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0066.xml
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79
79
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Chase-durer
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Chase-Durer
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0067.xml
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81
81
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Advertisement
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0068.xml
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83
83
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Advertisement
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0069.xml
article
84
84,85,86,87,88,89
Features
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Fat Guy From Cleveland Walks Into a Bar...
There have been times in his life when Drew Carey has not been happy. Right now is not one of them.
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SCOTT RAAB
IN REAL LIFE, HE'S NOT THAT FAT; I MYSELF WOULD GO NO FURTHER THAN “husky,” although when he tilts back his head, a thickish roll of adipose tissue forms on the back of his neck, a stubble-dotted crest that I recognize as the distinctive marking of a native of Cleveland’s west side.
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0070.xml
article
90
90,91,92,93,94,95,96,97,158
Features
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The Secret Life of a Beautiful Woman
1961: Holly Golightly. 1999: Oh. My. God.
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Mike Sager
<p>She loves big silver cowboy buckles and chewy red Swedish fish, three-inch Gucci stiletto heels and Lamborghini trucks. She hates being alone. She doesn’t kiss on the first date. She feels high highs and low lows, often in rapid succession.</p>
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0071.xml
article
98
98,99
Features
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Things a Man Should Know About Money
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Don't tell people what to do with theirs. Don't carry it in a roll. Don't give it to panhandlers. Do give it to muggers. How to give it to muggers: Throw it one way, haul ass the other. Read Burton G. Malkiel's A Random Walk Down Wall street. At once.
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0072.xml
article
100
100,101,102,103,104,105
Features
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The First Hundred Hours
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Charles P. Pierce
It was deep in the snowy damn woods, and it was the end of the morning, but the sky was so thick with the storm that it might as well have been the evening. Walking through these woods, you could hear cheering swelling behind the falling snow, the way that cheering used to come from out of the smoke of the distant balconies.
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0073.xml
article
106
106,107,108,109,110,111,112,113,114,115
ESQUIRE STYLE
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The Winds of War
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0074.xml
article
116
116,117
What I’ve Learned
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Ted Williams
Baseball player, 80, Hernando, Florida
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Scott Raab
<p><strong>The bigger </strong>people are in life, the more big-league they are. That’s been my experience. You meet less shits the higher up you go.</p>
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0075.xml
article
118
118,119,120,121,122,123,124,125,126,127
FEATURES
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Driving While Black
YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED THAT MANY OF THE MOTORISTS PULLED OVER ON THE SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY ARE BLACK OR HISPANIC. YOU MAY HAVE ATTRIBUTED THIS TO SOME KIND OF UNSPOKEN LAW-ENFORCEMENT RACISM. YOU MAY BE SURPRISED TO LEARN THAT IT'S THE RESULT OF A FEDERAL PROGRAM. CALLED OPERATION PIPELINE. YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK.
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[no value]
Gary Webb
<p>"Oh, God, help me! Oh, my God! Oh, no no no! Oh, God, help me! Help me, God! Help me, God! Please, God, save me! Oh, God! Oh, my God!" Our instructors call him the Screamer. We are not told his name, which is just as well. That added bit of humanity would make his debasement all the more difficult to watch.</p>
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0076.xml
article
128
128,129,130,131,132,133
ESQUIRE STYLE
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The Natural
ESQUIRE PICKS THE BEST OF CLASSIC SUMMER SUITS—THOSE RUMPLY, COMFORTABLE COTTON JOBS SURE TO HELP A MAN BEAT THE HEAT ON THE HOTTEST OF DAYS
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0077.xml
article
134
134,135,136
THE BETTER MAN SERIES
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The Chef Should Drink
... AND TEN OTHER TIPS FOR A GUY IN THE KITCHEN, FROM AMERICA'S FOREMOST INTERPRETER OF ITALIAN CUISINE, THE MARVELOUSLY ROBUST MARIO BATALI
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[no value]
Ted Allen
<p>Now that you've perfected that macaroni and cheese, that juicy roast chicken, maybe even those Bahamian grilled shrimp, it is time for you to attain the next culinary level, is it not? Yes. It is. </p>
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0078.xml
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137
137
[no value]
[no value]
Iwc
[no value]
IWC
[no value]
[no value]
[no value]
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0079.xml
article
138
138,139,140,141,142,143,152,154,156
Fiction
FICTION
Cliff Gods of Acapulco
VEGAS, WEED, SEX, ALLIGATORS, A MISSING TOE, A MISSING FATHER, A WHITE FLASH THE HORIZONTAL FALL OF YOUTH. A GRAVITY LESSON.
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[no value]
Adam Johnson
MY FATHER IS DYING IN ZAIRE, though I don’t necessarily know that yet as I drive to Vegas with Jimbo. I do know my dad is a Rover driver for Mobil geologists and, instead of seismic surveys, he carries two ammo clips and a military discharge that’s semiautomatic.
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0080.xml
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144
144
[no value]
[no value]
Advertisement: Dr. Lewenberg’s Formula
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[no value]
DR. LEWENBERG’S FORMULA
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[no value]
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0081.xml
article
145
145,146,148,149
The Male Animal
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The Un-natural
Onetime baseball klutz John C. Reilly—who plays Kevin Costner's batterymate in the upcoming For the Love of the Game— somehow morphed into a major league look-alike. Thanks to his coaches, come softball season, you can, too.
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[no value]
David Hochman
The man can take apart an M16 rifle wearing a blindfold. He can pop the lug nuts off a sizzling NASCAR tire in 6.8 seconds. With a plastic T-grip paddle and the good grace of God, he can muscle through Class VI rapids on a Montana river. He will even squeeze his six-foot-one, 190-pound frame into a red G-string and slap a porn star's naked backside, if that is what the job requires.
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0082.xml
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147
147
[no value]
[no value]
Thompson Cigar Co.
[no value]
THOMPSON CIGAR CO.
[no value]
[no value]
[no value]
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0083.xml
article
150
150,151
[no value]
[no value]
Hardware
[no value]
[no value]
[no value]
[no value]
Usually, you just screw it. When it comes to most construction jobs, that is. You grab a couple of screws and just drive away. But what about joining the kinds of things you see on these pages? Ah, now it's time for the glory of glue. Whether you have to reattach the trim on your great-grandpa's armoire, mend the ceramic Three Stooges lamp your kid mysteriously chipped ("It was an accident, Dad, I swear!"), or just patch a drainpipe, there's no other tool like it.
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0084.xml
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152
152
[no value]
[no value]
L.a. Williams
[no value]
L.A. WILLIAMS
[no value]
[no value]
[no value]
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0085.xml
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152
152
[no value]
[no value]
S&k Labs
[no value]
S&K Labs
[no value]
[no value]
[no value]
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0086.xml
advertisement
153
153
[no value]
[no value]
Advertisement
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[no value]
[no value]
[no value]
[no value]
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0087.xml
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155
155
[no value]
[no value]
Advertisement
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[no value]
[no value]
[no value]
[no value]
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0088.xml
article
157
157,159
[no value]
[no value]
Credits
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[no value]
[no value]
[no value]
Store Information Man at His Best, p. 36: Façonnable shirt at Façonnable, New York and Costa Mesa, CA; Nordstrom nationwide. Thomas Pink tie at Thomas Pink, New York. Ralph Lauren Purple Label trousers at Polo/Ralph Lauren, New York; Saks Fifth Avenue select stores.
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0089.xml
advertisement
157
157
[no value]
[no value]
Fitness Quest Inc.: Slamman
[no value]
Fitness Quest Inc.
SlamMan
[no value]
[no value]
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0090.xml
advertisement
158
158
[no value]
[no value]
Richlee Shoe Company
[no value]
RICHLEE SHOE COMPANY
[no value]
[no value]
[no value]
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0091.xml
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158
158
[no value]
[no value]
Hearst Communications, Inc.
[no value]
HEARST COMMUNICATIONS, INC.
[no value]
[no value]
[no value]
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0092.xml
advertisement
159
159
[no value]
[no value]
Timepieces International
[no value]
TIMEPIECES INTERNATIONAL
[no value]
[no value]
[no value]
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0093.xml
article
160
160
snap fiction
[no value]
Becky Weed
[no value]
[no value]
[no value]
JON BILLMAN
Just a boy of seventeen and Four Roses drunk, Romer Meeks had pancaked his father’s Aeronca Chief onto Becky Weed’s front yard, downtown Tea, South Dakota. He’d knocked out his two front teeth against his kneecap and spit a pulpy string of blood on the long grass next to the little airplane that rested maimed over its buckled landing gear.
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0094.xml
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161
161
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[no value]
Advertisement
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[no value]
Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0095.xml
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162
162
[no value]
[no value]
Advertisement
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Esquire_19990401_0131_004_0096.xml