Issue: 19990101

Friday, January 1, 1999
January
1
True
131
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
5/10/2018 12:23:12 PM

Articles
cover
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0_1
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Esquire
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0001.xml
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0_2
0_2,1
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Philip Morris Inc. Marlboro
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Philip Morris Inc.
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0002.xml
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2
2,3
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Saturn
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SATURN
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0003.xml
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4
4
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Altoids
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Callard & Bowser-Suchard Inc.
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0004.xml
tableOfContents
5
5,6
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Esquire
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0005.xml
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7
7
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Lucky Brand
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LUCKY BRAND
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0006.xml
masthead
8
8
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Esquire
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0007.xml
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8
8
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Tweezerman
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TWEEZERMAN
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0008.xml
article
9
9
contributors
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Contributors
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In late August, contributing editor David Sedaris hopped across the pond to live among the French, and “It Goes” (page 46) is his first dispatch from abroad. So far, he finds that he is particularly fond of the French attitude toward smoking.
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0009.xml
article
10
10,12
the sound and the fury
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The Sound and the Fury
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Homage to Our Heroes “Boy, do we ever need a hero,” we wrote by way of introducing our November issue, which sought to explore just what that word, hero, means nowadays. In those pages, we tried to tell simple stories of common men and women who do very uncommon things.
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0010.xml
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11
11
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Tommy - Hilfiger
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TOMMY - HILFIGER
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0011.xml
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13
13
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National Fluid Milk Processor Commission Board: Got Milk?
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0012.xml
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14
14
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Iwc
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IWC
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0013.xml
article
15
15
man AT HIS best
ESQUIRE EYE
Danny Hoch
WHITE BOY WITH ATTITUDE
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Stuart Miller
Danny Hoch turned down Quentin Tarantino. He also stood up to Jerry Seinfeld. Then he publicly trashed both the filmmaker and the sitcom star. Hoch, twenty-eight, has zero tolerance for people who don't appreciate the devastating effect of perpetuating stereotypes.
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0014.xml
article
16
16
man at his best
DRIVING
The Best Car Money Can't Buy
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Phil Patton
You've heard the conspiracy stories. How the Big Three have for years been buying up and burying patents to cars that go from zero to sixty miles per hour in four seconds. How they have engines that run on water. How Detroit could go electric if only it were more profitable.
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0015.xml
article
16
16
man at his best
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The Endorsement: Crayola Crayons
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Ted Allen
What I want to know is, what happened? Can you not remember that there was a time when your young and nimble mind created great and wonderful buildings? Fantastic cars and airplanes and rockets? Sculptures and paintings and works in clay, genies and fairies and giant fishes and faraway islands with palm trees?
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0016.xml
article
16
16
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The Rules
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Rule No. 212: Men named Walter are taken more seriously than men named Jason. Also Billy. Rule No. 35: There is no shame in well-done steak. Rule No. 108: It's always time for pie!
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0017.xml
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17
17
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Sony
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SONY
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0018.xml
article
18
18
man at his best
READING
L. A.'s Dark Places
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Adrienne Miller
As James Ellroy is to fifties Los Angeles, Michael Connelly is to nineties L. A. The drug-steeped, riotous, glitzy, pornographically corrupt City of Angels is the subject from which Connelly has created a memorable fictional world for seven of the eight books he's written.
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0019.xml
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19
19
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Advertisement: Chivas Regal
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CHIVAS REGAL
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0020.xml
article
20
20,21
man at his best
RESOLUTIONS
We Resolve To...
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Use only the following adjectives when ordering coffee: A) large, B) small. Spend more time with our dog than our Internet-service provider, more time with our friends than our dog, and more time with our significant other than with our friends, reserving, of course, the right to adjust these ratios in accordance with widely accepted policies regarding musicals and Merchant ivory movies.
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0021.xml
article
21
21
man at his best
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The 411 on New Phones
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Michael Frank
They keep calling at the office, and you keep telling them the same thing: no. Is there something about no that cannot be understood over conventional phone lines? And now those same people (your boss, your wife, your broker) want to be able to get ahold of you at all hours ... on a cell phone.
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0022.xml
article
21
21
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The Rules
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Rule No. 185: Accounting is in many ways a more creative and challenging field than art, although the fashion options are limited. Rule No. 43: The bigger the TV, the uglier the couch.
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0023.xml
article
22
22
man at his best
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Material Man
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Blue shirts, gray shirts, tan shirts, brown shirts; shirts the same dark color as the tie; turtlenecks without ties altogether. Men have gotten so sophisticated when it comes to what they wear with their suits that they've forgotten the most stylish underpinning of all: the crisp white shirt.
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0024.xml
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23
23
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Bose
[no value]
BOSE
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0025.xml
article
24
24
man at his best
DRINKING
Toasting 1999
ESQUIRE'S NEW DRINKS COLUMNIST OFFERS NEW YEAR'S ADVICE
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Andrea Immer
As you raise a glass to welcome 1999, let this be the year you resolve to pay a little more attention to the liquid inside it. No, this isn't my version of the drinking-less-but-better mantra. I'm saying, first, drink smarter; second, branch out.
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0026.xml
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25
25
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Girard-perregaux
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GIRARD-PERREGAUX
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0027.xml
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26
26,27,28
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Merck & Co., Inc.: Propecia
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MERCK & CO., INC.
PROPECIA
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0028.xml
article
29
29
man at his best
TRAVELING
Dónde Está Paradise?
A NOT-SO-TYPICAL TRAVELOGUE ABOUT A SOUTH-OF-THE-BORDER SHANGRI-LA
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Keith Kachtick
Vanessa is naked again. A lovely, blue-eyed, twenty-seven-year-old pastry chef from Australia, with a petite body so sun-darkened the soles of her feet seem to glow, goat-beard wisps of blond hair under her arms, she smiles at you and magically transforms her wine-colored sarong into a diaphanous blanket on this mile-long stretch of deserted Mexican beach.
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0029.xml
article
30
30,32,33
Green
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Inheriting It
Your parents, God bless them, worked their whole lives to leave you their fortune. But you'll probably never get it.
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Ken Kurson
WHEN MY DAD DIED, I WASN'T THINKING about the smart way to handle his estate. As executor, I was responsible for distributing his assets as stated in his will. But my mind was wrapped around his voice and advice and weird little habits (his loyalty to brands was legendary—Allen-Edmonds, for example, but also those no one else had heard of for fifty years, like Craig-Martin toothpaste), and I was also thinking a lot about the way he'd break into Louis Armstrong choruses and could tell a joke on every imaginable subject, often with a credible accent.
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0030.xml
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31
31
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Hershey's
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0031.xml
article
34
34,36,37
Green
the screen
Girlie Shows
Gloriously expressive teenyboperas like Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Dawson’s Creek signal a new wave of pulp lyricism. It’s enough to renew a man’s faith in TV.
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Tom Carson
TO ARTY FOLK, the most influential TV show of the early nineties was Twin Peaks. Credit David Lynch’s groundbreaker for broody current fare like The X-Files and Millennium and a near decade’s worth of enigmatic commercials. But my nod goes to Beverly Hills, 90210, the show that reinvented crud designed to tantalize thirteen-year-old girls.
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0032.xml
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35
35
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Winston
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0033.xml
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37
37
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Life Fitness
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Life Fitness
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0034.xml
article
38
38,40
The Culture
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In Politics, No One Can Hear You Scream
Hillary Clinton’s terrible sounds
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Greil Marcus
<p>HILLARY CLINTON was relentless. For a moment it was almost shocking: to see and hear someone speak so plainly, without cant, without bending words into euphemisms, putting it all on the line. That was how it seemed—if only for a moment.</p>
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0035.xml
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39
39
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The Washington Mint, Llc
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The Washington Mint, LLC
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0036.xml
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41
41
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Advertisement: Esquire
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Esquire
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0037.xml
article
42
42,44,45
Green
man overboard
Dirty Laundry
Things pile up when the wife goes camping for nine days with her ex-boyfriend
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Robert Huber
I ENJOY TELLING FRIENDS, coworkers, even my mother what my wife’s up to: “Uwe and Karen are going camping in Virginia.” “Uwe?” Mom says over the phone. “Do I know her?” “It’s German—oo-va. He’s Karen’s old boyfriend from Germany.” Mom’s mouth clicks, but no words.
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0038.xml
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43
43
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NicoDerm
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0039.xml
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45
45
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Knob Creek
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Knob Creek
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0040.xml
article
46
46,48,49
Life in France
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It Goes
It’s tough settling in a new country where stallion chops are on the menu and you can’t recall the word for “rare”
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David Sedaris
<p>A FRENCH neighbor told me he’d recently attended a party where the drunken guests pooled their money and offered it as a reward to the first person who could defecate on a chicken. According to Laurent, catching the chicken had been the hardest part of the exercise.</p>
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0041.xml
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47
47
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The Grundig 400pe
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THE GRUNDIG 400PE
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0042.xml
article
50
50,51,52,53,54,55
War
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A Himalayan Hell
Last night in Kashmir, on the border between India and Pakistan, a dozen people were machine-gunned dead in their homes. The most beautiful place on earth is dissolving in fear.
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Scott Carrier
<p>JESUS DIED IN KASHMIR. You can see his tomb and his footprints in Srinagar, the capital city. He was ten feet tall and would have worn size-30 shoes. Also, he was extremely flat-footed. The story is that he spent the “lost years” of his youth wandering in the Himalayas and, through tantric methods he learned from Buddhist monks, was able to fake his death on the cross by stopping his heart and lungs.</p>
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0043.xml
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53
53
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Advertisement
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0044.xml
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56
56
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Smirnoff
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0045.xml
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57
57,58,60,62,64,66,68,70,72,74
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Blue Note
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0046.xml
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59
59
[no value]
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Bose
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BOSE
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0047.xml
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61
61
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R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Co.: Camel
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R.J. REYNOLDS TOBACCO CO.
[no value]
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0048.xml
advertisement
63
63
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Northwest Air Lines
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NORTHWEST AIR LINES
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0049.xml
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65
65
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Hennessy
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0050.xml
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67
67
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Chrysler
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CHRYSLER
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0051.xml
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68
68
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Everycd
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EveryCD
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0052.xml
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69
69
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Thompson Cigar Co.
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THOMPSON CIGAR CO.
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0053.xml
advertisement
71
71
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Blue Note Platinum Visa Card
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0054.xml
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73
73
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Jazz Heritage
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JAZZ HERITAGE
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0055.xml
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75
75
[no value]
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Borders
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BORDERS
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0056.xml
article
76
76,77,78,79,80,81,82,83,84,85,86,87
[no value]
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The 1998 Dubious Achievement Awards
OH, LORD. SWEET JESUS! HOLY JUMPING MOTHER OF MOSES! WE ARE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS HERE, PEOPLE. THERE IS DUBIOUSNESS...AND THEN THERE WAS 1998.
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<p>THE KIND OF YEAR IT WAS After receiving a raise in August, Linda Tripp’s annual salary increased to $90,767. AND YET, DESPITE PERNICIOUS MEDDLING FROM FAT, OVERPAID HARPIES, THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE THRIVES After Thomas Deas said his wife attacked him with a hatchet and cut a five-inch gash in his neck, the fifty-three-year-old Illinois man declared, “I still love her.</p>
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0057.xml
article
88
88,89,90,91,92,93
Features
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Hail the Conquering Hero
America's been Springerized. Which scares even the movement's leader, the self-professed Godfather of the Decline of Western Civilization. A conversation with Jerry Springer.
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Mim Udovitch
<p>There are some jobs—doctor, lawyer, long-haul truck driver— for which some kind of special certification and expertise are required. There are others—MTV veejay, journalist, political pundit—that any slob who succeeds in bum-rushing the show can perform.</p>
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0058.xml
article
94
94,95,96,97,98,99
Features
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365 Days to the Apocalypse and We Still Don't Know Where to Hide the Jews
... and other notes from Pat Robertson’s Y2K conference
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Tom Junod
<p>STORE HONEY INSTEAD OF SUGAR. Honey is in the Bible. It is good food. People have been enjoying honey for thousands of years, and it keeps forever. When you store it a long time, it crystallizes, but you can heat it up and it becomes honey again.</p>
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0059.xml
article
100
100,101,102,103,104,105
STYLE
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Model Behavior
WHEREIN ACTOR, AUTHOR, ANCHOR, AND RESIDENT ESQUIRE ANTHROPOLOGIST JON STEWART GOES INTO THE WILDS OF MANHATTAN'S FAR WEST SIDE TO STUDY A COLONY OF FEMALE FASHION TYPES
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<p>WEST SIDE HIGHWAY, NEW YORK CITY: a riverside repository of impounded cars, abandoned piers, and, for now, the world’s largest remaining reserve of models. I am being shepherded to this tantalizing oasis by two veterans of many a fall-fashion preview.</p>
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0060.xml
article
106
106,107,108,109,110,111
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Vicodin, My Vicodin
A tale of sweet entanglement
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Tom Chiarella
<p>I COULDN'T TELL YOU HOE MUCH MONEY I MADE LAST YEAR. I lose my checkbook once a week. I have no idea where my passport is or my birth certificate or the photographs from my wedding. I can't remember where I spent last Christmas, But I know where all my Vicodin are.</p>
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0061.xml
article
112
112,113,114,115,116,117,118,119
ESQUIRE STYLE
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Ship to Shore
You don't have to be a world-class sailor to appreciate the squall gear worn by the competitive racers photographed here. Such wind-and-water-resistant outerwear will keep you dry even if the only spray you encounter comes from a puddle-sloshing taxi during a spring storm.
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0062.xml
article
120
120,121,122,123,124,125,141,142
[no value]
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The Strange Odyssey of Michael Huffington
Drop $30 million on a campaign. Lose the race. Search your soul. Divorce Arianna. Decide you're gay.
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David Brock
<p>Michael Huffington sits in a living room in Washington, D. c., a town that he despises, and he wants to say something. He looks hopeful, simple, a little nervous. You may remember him. Four years ago, as a freshman Republican congressman from southern California, he took $30 million, maybe more, from his oil fortune and spent it trying to become a United States senator.</p>
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0063.xml
article
126
126,127
ESQUIRE STYLE
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The Square Deal
The new business shoes have a shape you'd never find on an old wing. tip. Esquire highlights the best of them.
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SHOES are the foundation on which a man builds his outfit. Any woman knows this. (A guy's leather, believe it or not, is the first thing to catch her eye.) Most men, somehow, know this, too. Which makes it all the more strange that so many of us go for flimsy footwear.
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0064.xml
article
128
128,129,130,131,132,133,140
Features
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America Is a Bull
And Billy is a cowboy who dreams of riding it into everlasting glory
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Jeanne Marie Laskas
<p>“Bull riding? Okay, bull riding is 90 percent mental. Anybody tells you any different, they’re lying. Because when you get on your bull, you have to, just, be on your bull. And that’s all that matters. Because bull riding is not a natural human behavior.”</p>
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0065.xml
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134
134
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Dr. Lewenberg's Formula
[no value]
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0066.xml
article
135
135,136,137,138
The Male Animal
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Bowl Season
Pittsburgh Steelers All-Pro running back Jerome Bettis is an excellent bowler. Tim Lester, his outstanding lead blocker, however, stinks. Today, Jerome teaches Tim— and you—to be a ten-pin man.
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[no value]
Steve Friedman
To understand the special relationship between Pittsburgh Steelers running back Jerome Bettis and fullback Tim Lester, know this: Keeping a faithful sidekick can be a bitch. Truth is, faithful sidekick is a tough gig. You get lower pay, for starters, not to mention a basically crummy job description: 1) Make Big Guy look good.
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0067.xml
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139
139
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[no value]
The Sinclair Institute: the Better Sex Video Series
[no value]
The Sinclair Institute
THE Better Sex Video SERIES
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0068.xml
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141
141
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Adam & Eve
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Adam & Eve
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0069.xml
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141
141
[no value]
[no value]
S&k Labs
[no value]
S&K Labs
[no value]
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Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0070.xml
article
142
142,143
[no value]
[no value]
Credits
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Fashion Man at His Best, p. 22: Ermenegildo Zegna shirt at Ermenegildo Zegna nationwide. Luciano Moresco shirt at Tossini, Houston; D. Fine, Las Vegas. Thomas Pink shirt at Thomas Pink, New York. Luigi Borelli shirt at Bergdorf Goodman, New York; Neiman Marcus select stores.
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0071.xml
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142
142
[no value]
[no value]
The Xandria Collection
[no value]
The Xandria Collection
[no value]
[no value]
[no value]
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0072.xml
advertisement
143
143
[no value]
[no value]
The Edge Company
[no value]
The Edge Company
[no value]
[no value]
[no value]
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0073.xml
article
144
144
snap fiction
[no value]
Rose
“It must have been, I think she said, two years after the kidnapping when your wife first came by.” The voice on the phone sounded young. “What was that, ’83, ’84?”
[no value]
[no value]
John Biguenet
“Kidnapping?” “Yeah, she told me all about it, how it was for the private detective you hired after the police gave up.” “You mean the picture?” “Right, the age progression. You had to write your own code back then. But once we had the algorithms for stuff like teeth displacement of the lips, cartilage development in the nose and ears, stuff like that, all you had to do was add fat-to-tissue ratios by age and you wound up with a fairly decent picture of what the face probably looked like.
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0074.xml
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145
145
[no value]
[no value]
Motorola: Digital Dna
[no value]
Motorola
Digital DNA
[no value]
[no value]
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0075.xml
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146
146
[no value]
[no value]
Advertisement: Rémy Martin
[no value]
[no value]
RéMY MARTIN
[no value]
[no value]
Esquire_19990101_0131_001_0076.xml