Last week I had an argument with my girlfriend. Yesterday a mutual friend told me she had called him after the fight for advice and asked him out for a drink; today the story I got from my girlfriend is that our friend had called her and asked her out for a drink. I don't want to press the issue because frankly I'm glad she talked to a friend rather than a guy I don't know. But 1 feel if she can't be straight with me about such a simple matter, how can I trust anything coming out of her mouth?—E.M., Miami, Florida
// doesn't sound as ij you have much jaith in her anyway, since you assume she's the liar in this situation. You're overlooking the possibility thai they're both lying—one is jibbing, and the other isn't telling the whole truth. We could be wrong, but it sounds as if they've been out drinking before and didn 'I get their stories straight this time. If that's the case, you wouldn't be the first guy to lose his girlfriend to a buddy who is a good listener.
The other day I was having lunch at home with my wife. At the end of the meal she was still working on her potato chips when I enticed her to go upstairs. When she went down on me I could not believe how good her greasy lips and mouth felt on my cock. Has anyone else reported using chips as an oral-sex aid?—M.G., Chicago, Illinois
You're the first. If you like playing with your food, have you tried "hot and cold"? Your wife gels a travel mug of coffee or hoi chocolate and a glass of ice water. She sips the coffee and gix<es you a Jew strokes, and thru she sips the ice water jor a Jew more. Continue as needed.
I purchased ajar of shoe polish that contains carnauba wax, lanolin oil and mineral salts. It provides a nice shine, but will the wax damage my shoes?—J.L., Kdmonton, Alberta
Wax can dry out leather over time, but it shines better than a cream and covers scuffs more ejjiciently. On the other hand (or foot), a cream or paste moisturizes the leather to keep it jlexible. You should also consider a silicone spray to protect against moisture and stains; mink oil accomplishes this as well but may darken the leather. We don't use all-in-one products because we Jind it is more spiritual to shine in a series oj steps. Plus, that's how our lather taught us to do it.
■VIy husband has a female friend whom he text messages repeatedly. Our latest phone bill showed 333 messages between them. I feel it is disrespectful for him to continue doing this when he knows it hurts me. He says she is just a friend and sounding board, but I know he is attracted to her. How much is too much? 1 don't know if text messaging is considered cheating, but I think once you
hurt your marriage you have gone too far.—D.G., Thornton, Colorado
Your husband needs to phone home. A married man's primary sounding board should be his wife. He's not allowed to pick another person he finds more accommodating. It's okay for him to have jemale jriends. but ij he's sending this woman It) text messages a day asking for advice and counsel, you should be getting 50.
On average, how long after insertion should intercourse last for the woman to be satisfied?—T.D., Syracuse, New York You'll have to find an average woman and ask her. Good luck.
I've heard you should replace all four of your vehicle's tires at the same time to optimize performance. Any truth to that?—G.M., Providence, Rhode Island
In an ideal world, you should. But ij it's not practical, replacing one or two is okay. Always put the best tires in the rear to prevent oversteer, which can cause the back of your car to swing out; it's also easier to control a vehicle whose front wheel has blown out rather than one in the rear. Measure your treads at least annually. You should not be driving on any tire with treads measuring two thirty-seconds of an inch or less (that's one sixteenth o] an inch, of course, but tread-depth gauges use thirty-seconds). I hat's also the point at which the wear bars start to show. Anything less than jour thirty-seconds of an inch puts you at increased risk oj hydroplaning in rain and losing traction in snow. A gauge costs only a few bucks, but in a pinch you can use a new penny or quarter. If all of Lincoln '.s head shows when you place the penny headfirst into the tread, you have less than two thirty-seconds oj an inch oj wear. If all of Washington's head shows, you have less
than four thirty-seconds of an inch. David Solomon of MotorWatch.com notes that if you have all-wheel drive, your tires' circumferences should be within a quarter inch of one another. He recommends playing it safe and replacing any tire once it has lost more than 50 percent oj its original tread depth.
My ex-girlfriend could make me come three times in an hour, and I once had seven orgasms in a single night. In the past month I have had sex with two women. With one I had only a single orgasm, and with the other I had two. Is it normal for a 40-year-old to have seven orgasms in one night, and why can I have only one or two with other women?—B.R., Chicago, Illinois
We imagine you 'd been drinking before you slept with your two pickups, who don't know nearly as much about your hot spots as your ex does. But jorgel about counting orgasms. Did you haveJun? More important, did they?
I moved across the country last year with my girlfriend with the intention of marrying her. There was no ring or engagement, just a promise. After living together for a few months I've realized that I do not want to marry her. What do I owe her when we break up? Should I pay her moving expenses to return home? (1 pay the rent and expenses now.) The nice guy in me says I should help her get home, plus she'll be gone sooner that way. Is there any legal commitment on my part?—T.H., Washington, D.C.
It's hard to say, because a person can sue for just about anything. Conceivably, your girlfriend could argue you caused her financial harm by dragging her away from a good job. But these days most lawsuits over broken engagements are initialed by the man for the return of the ring or other expensive gifts. Up until the early part of the past century a jilted woman could sue an ex-fiance for "breach of promise" and recover damages for emotional wounds and the lost opportunity to marry someone else. According to a review by Ceorgetown University law professor Rebecca Tushnet, these "heartbalm" lawsuits began to be outlawed in Ihe 1930s, with legislators arguing they allowed women to blackmail worthy men (such as themselves, perhaps). As one reformer put it, "There is no cash value on misconduct, and I submit to you that love and respect and affection are not transjerable, negotiable commodities." You are welcome to use that when you testify. Your girlfriend should have been aware of the risks, but helping her out may be prudent.
During an e-mail exchange with a female friend, I lamented I hadn't been laid in a while. She replied that maybe she could "fix that problem." I told her I didn't want to be set up with anyone,
but she responded, "No, I mean I could use some relief too." I wouldn't mind having her as a casual-sex partner but don't want to screw up our friendship. Wasn't there a Seinfeld episode in which Jerry and Elaine established rules for their fuck-buddy relationship? What rules would you suggest?—H.M., Salt Lake City, Utah
Jem and Elaine had three rules: (I) No calls the day after. (2) Spending the night is optional. (3) No departing kiss. But they don't work for the simple reason that when you make rules, you create a relationship.
Years ago playboy published a cookbook, Playboy's Gourmet, which included a recipe for steak butter. Can you dig it up for me?—J.S., Columbus, Ohio
You bring the steaks, we'll bring the steak butter. Smack three medium-size shallots with the flat side of a knife blade to loosen the skins. Remove the skins and chop the shallots as fine as possible, then place them in a small saucepan with two tablespoons of butter. Simmer until the shallots are tender but not brown. Add half a cup of dry red wine and continue cooking until the wine is reduced to a quarter cup. Stand the shallots and wine in the refrigerator until cold, then combine the mixture with a quarter cup of softened butter. Mix well, then spoon or brush over the steaks before serving.
What's the best way for a guy to impress a date?—J.K., Tucson, Arizona
If you accept the theory that women instinctively judge men on their ability to provide for offspring, you 'II be interested to hear about a study from University College Ijondon. Two mathematicians calculated that a man's best bet is to provide valuable gifts that cannot be cashed in. In other words, if you give a wo/nan an expensive gift as a symbol of your devotion, she may suspect you 're trying to buy your way into her pants, or she may string you along for more goodies. However, ij you provide your dates with what the researchers describe as "costly but worthless" gifts—i.e., wining and dining them—you deter gold diggers. A woman can take a diamond and run, but a night on the town is a wasted evening unless she's interested in you. This is just another example of the many ways scientists are working to help you get laid. See The Sexual Male, Part Four: The h>ok of Ijove, on page 98, for more.
I was reading a book for my Western civilization class when I came across this passage: "The appearance of 1'i.ayboy added a new dimension to the sexual revolution for adult males, playboy's message was clear: Men were encouraged to seek sexual gratification outside marriage." I just watched a biography about Hugh Hefner and piayboy and find this hard to believe.—A.E., Brick, New Jersey
// has never been our position that men should seek sex outside marriage unless they have approval from their wife, which occurs only occasionally, in alternative dimensions. Besides being dishonest, adultery gives a potentially vindictive third party great power
over your family life and finances. However, if you read the sentence to mean we encourage men to seek gratification without jailing into marriage, there's truth in that. Marriage is certainly a good environment in which to raise children, however.
When buying a dress shirt, how do you know which type of collar or cuffs to get?—D.W., Iowa City, Iowa
The shape of your face and length of your neck determine the type of collar thai looks best on you. "Most men are wearing dress shirts with collars too small for their face that sit too low on their necks," notes custom clothier Alan Flusser in his book Dressing the Man. If you have a long, lean face, you'll want a shorter collar spread. If you have a rounder face, you 'II want longer points, hmg-necked men require taller collars, while others need lower-sitting collars with a more forward slope. Pinned or button-down long-pointed collars balance faces with angular features. Getting a good fit is equally important. "Most men wear theirs too tight in the neck, too short in the sleeve and too full around the wrist," Flusser writes. "Successive washings shrink the collar size and sleeve length, while most manufacturers allow enough cuff width for a large Rolex-size watch to drive through." You should be able to comfortably slip two fingers between the neck and collar, and you shouldn't be able to slide your hand out of your buttoned cuff.
My husband told me his "ultimate fantasy," and I just don't get it. He says he wants to watch me mud wrestle a close female friend of ours, with the winner "getting him first" in the ring. This is gross on several levels. First, I don't understand the enjoyment of getting muddy, and second, is he telling me he wants to have an affair without getting into trouble? I have told him no and that I'm angry at him for even telling me this. He says I am the only woman he knows who is afraid to get "down and dirty." Is that true, or is he trying to force me into this?—J.T., Oswego, Illinois
We don't know about gross, but his fantasy is unusual. We imagine he shared it knowing it was highly unlikely to come true. The logistics alone are daunting, but that's okay—it's arousing just to talk about the possibility. Unfortunately, you don't want to play. Even worse, you've gone schoolmarm on him because he refuses to have boring fantasies like all the other husbands. No one is asking you to analyze his harmless perversities, and it's not an ajjair unless he goes behind your back. For his part, your husband is playing dirty by claiming you're the only holdout in a world of female mudslingers. Hut don't worry—it will be a long time before he shares any more of his intimate thoughts.
As you noted in the December issue, far too many people overdo it with nutritional supplements. If the minimum dose is good, they reason, twice the dose must be very good. But some
vitamins and minerals may be useful in preventing cancer. I volunteered for a long-term study of the effectiveness of selenium and vitamin K in preventing prostate cancer. Four groups of participants are given daily either 400 I Us of vitamin E or 200 micrograms of selenium, both or placebos. In the meantime, sadly, many of my friends over 50 have never had a prostate-specific-antigen test, let alone a digital rectal exam, to detect signs of prostate cancer.— MB., Plainfield, Illinois
The study you are referring to, the Selenium and Vitamin E Cancer Prevention Trial, involves 35,534 men who are being tracked Jor at least seven years (results are not expected until 201 3). Although it may he tempting to selj-medicate, it's prudent to stick with a daily multivitamin until scientists know more about optimal dosages and side effects. At the very least, consult your doctor. Men oi>er 50 should luwe a digital rectal exam (DRE) and prostate-specific-antigen (PSA) test annually. Men at higher risk, including black men and those with a family history of the disease, should start at the age of 45.
A reader asked in December about avoiding blood diamonds. You might also have suggested a secondhand ring. The original buyer's hands may have blood on them, but you are not perpetuating the trend. My husband purchased a stunning and unique estate piece for me that routinely draws compliments. The centerpiece of its seven gems is much larger and of higher quality than he could have afforded if it were newly mined.—L.B., Somerville, Massachusetts
A number of readers also recommended Canadian diamonds such as those from Polar Rear Diamond (polarbeardiamond.com) because the government tracks each stone from harvest through final culling.
A guy at a bar who claimed to be an ob-gyn told me the outline of the bartender's crotch in short shorts revealed how much sex she was having. He said a U-shape means the labia have been pressed down more often than V-shaped labia. True?—R.K., Palm Harbor, Florida The only way lo know how much sex a woman is having is to ask her. I here are no secret messages in her camel toe.
All reasonable questions—from fashion, food and drink, stereos and spoils cars to dating dilemmas, taste and etiquette—will be personally answered if the writer includes a selj-addressed, stamped envelope. I he most interesting, pertinent questions will be presented in these pages each month. Write the Playboy Advisor, 730 Fifth Avenue, New York, Nexv York 10019, or send e-mail by visiting our website at playboyadvisor.com. The Advisor's latest book. Dear Playboy Advisor, is available at bookstores, by phoning 800-423-9494 or online at playboyslore.com.