Article: 19871201043

Title: Dear Playmates

19871201043
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200050_19871201_058763.xml
Dear Playmates
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Playboy
HMH Publishing Co., Inc.
News
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The question for the month:
39

The question for the month:

Have you ever had sex on a first date?


I don't date strangers. I only go out with people I've known for a while. I did sleep with my boyfriend on our first "official" date. We have a very lustful relationship. Sex is important to me, and it matters to me that my partner is sexual, too. Generally speaking, I don't think sex on a first date is a great idea, because you give up too much intrigue too soon. Also, if you don't know or care about a man and you sleep with him, you may have nothing to say in the morning, and that's a waste of time.


Julie Peterson, February 1987


I did it once and I ended up living with the guy for a year. But it's not something I'd do anymore. If I choose not to have sex on the first, second or third date, it makes the sex, when I finally have it, even better. If a guy can't wait and quits calling me, that's his problem. I don't have time to worry about him. Some guys are as transparent as cellophane. Some guys are better than that. It's about luck, really. Sex on a first date isn't the best way to start off a relationship, and there is a health scare now, so I don't do it.


Lynne Austin, July 1986


Yes. But it's a rare occurrence. I'd much rather get to know someone first. I think sex is very intimate, and the more you know someone, the more fun you can have with him. You can have fun with a guy on a one-night stand, too, but if you want a relationship, you have to wait. If I cared about someone and wanted to see him again, that would make the sex more meaningful. I don't think men are only looking for sex, but those who are make it pretty obvious. That is not to say that you don't wonder about sex on a date. It's in the back of everyone's mind. And your date could have an infinite number of endings.


Laurie Carr, December 1986


There are guys I just want to have sex with and guys I want to see in a different way. If you sleep with a guy on a first date, the focus is on the physical, not on communicating. I can read a guy pretty well. I stare into his eyes when I'm turned on. I wouldn't go into a bar and just go home with someone--not in the disease-ridden Eighties. I need to know about someone. Maybe he's a friend of a friend. I know pretty much what I'm getting myself into. I'm particular. If I want to have sex with someone, I definitely know if the chemistry is there; I'm the kind of person who does what she wants to do, with no regrets. I don't wake up in the morning feeling shitty if it's something I wanted to do. It was something we both wanted, and if, for some reason, he isn't going to see me again, he's not worth wanting.


Kymberly Paige, May 1987

I haven't. I've never had a one-night stand. The reason is that, to me, that kind of intimacy means giving my energy to someone. It's not the act of sex I'm giving, it's me, my deepest emotions. To give myself to someone like that means that he has to be special. It also means that I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get dumped on and that he will call me again. There have been times when I've had an extra glass of wine and I've thought, I want to be with this guy, but I don't follow the feeling. I get pragmatic instead. Some men take a kiss at the door as rejection. I find that attitude revealing.


Luann Lee, January 1987


Nope. I've had sex on a third or fourth date, but never on a first. I've never found anyone so appealing that I could open up to him and just say, "Hey, baby, here I am." I really have to get to know him better than that. If I'm giving a part of myself to someone, he'd better be in my life for a while. I am a romantic. It would be terrible to go out on a first date, do it and then never see him again. I'd rather wait awhile and get to know him. Can he be open with me about his thoughts and feelings? That's more important than the sexual thing.


Rebecca Ferratti, June 1986

Send your questions to Dear Playmates, Playboy Building, 919 North Michigan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. We won't be able to answer every question, but we'll try.

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