Article: 19820201085

Title: Ribald Classic: Lecherous Anonymous

Ribald Classic: Lecherous Anonymous
HMH Publishing Co., Inc.
While Sitting in Church (1880)

While Sitting in Church (1880)

The Betsy that I used to know When she was three limes five Had eyes that lit an amorous glow---The prettiest girl alive.

Behold her now, a married dame, Huge, burly, fat and coarse, A butcher's face, a wrestler's frame, Hindquarters of a horse!

Her sister, Athenais, sils Beside her in the pew. I wonder if that lass forgets What once I used to do.

When she was young, I put my hand Into her frock behind And stroked her little fairyland While she was so inclined.

She'd giggle, smirk and wince about, Then quiet to subduedness. She eyes me kindly---she no doubt Remembers all that lewdness.

Yes, eyes me most luxuriously, With glances bright, beseeching. How pleasantly the moments fly While Mr. Cotterill's preaching!

I see she flees an amorous smart, Thinks on the wiles of men, Combining in her virtuous heart Some thoughts of now and then.

The Sound Country Lass (1719)

These London wenches are so stout, They care not what they do; They will not. let you have a bout Without a crown or two.

They double their chops and curl their locks, Their breaths perfume they do; Their tails are peppered with the pox. And that you're welcome to.

But give me the buxom country lass, Hot piping from the cow, That will take a roll upon the grass, Aye, marry, and thank you, too.

Her color's as fresh as a rose in June, Her temper as kind as a dove; She'll please the swain with a wholesome tune And freely give her love.

Good Susan, Be As Secret As You Can (17th Century)

Good Susan, be as secret as you can; You know your husband is a jealous man. Though you and I do mean no harm nor ill, Yet men take women in the worst sense still, And fear of horns more grief of heart hath bred Than wearing horns hath caused an aching head.

Busts and Bosoms Have I Known (20th Century)

Busts and bosoms have I known Of various shapes and sizes, From, grievous disappointments To jubilant surprises.

A Maiden's Denial (1656)

Nay, pish; nay, phew! Nay, faith, and will you? Fie?

A gentleman and use me thus? I'll cry,

Nay, God's body, what means this? Nay, fie, for shame,

Nay, faith, away! Nay, fie, you are to blame.

Hark! Somebody comes! Hands off, I pray!

I'll pinch, I'll scratch, I'll spurn, I'll run away.

Nay, faith, you strive in vain, you shall not speed.

You mar my ruff, you hurt my back, I bleed.

Look how the door's ajar, somebody sees!

Your buttons scratch. In faith, you hurt my knees.

Look, sir, what you are doing I disown;

You mar my clothes, you tear my smock. Had I but known

So much before, I would have shut you out.

Is this a proper thing you go about?

I did not think that it would end in this,

But now I see you took my smile amiss.

I merely hoped we'd be the closest friends.

And how you've used me now! Please make amends.

Hold still, I'll wipe your face; you sweat amain:

You've won a goodly prize with all that pain.

Alas, how hot I am! What will you drink?

If you go sweating down, what will they think?

The time has come when we must say adieu---

Doubtless, ere long, I'll take a kinder view.

If any man but you had used me so,

Would I have put it up? In faith, sir, no.

Nay, go not yet; stay here and sup with me,

And then, at cards, we better shall agree.

Illustration by brad holland