This amusing guy I hit it off with in a singles bar referred to his male organ as a swizzle stick," the girl reported to her confidante, "so I played along by calling my female parts a loving cup."
"Tell me---what happened?"
"Before the night was over, I'd become stir crazy."
Maybe you've heard about the apprentice massage-parlor girl who quit her job because she was tired of playing second diddle.
Have you discovered a cure for my persistent erection?" the worried knight inquired of the royal alchemist.
"Not yet," answered the pseudo scientist, "but I have spoken to the king about a more suitable assignment for you."
"What's that?" asked the knight, adjusting his chain mail.
"You've been named His Majesty's sundial!"
We suppose that successful masturbation by a 90-year-old man could properly be termed miracle whip.
In simple, layman's terms, what characterizes the manic-depressive psychosis?" the psychiatrist was asked.
"Easy glum, easy glow," was his reply.
A semipro girl who sometimes worked the bar circuit was propositioned one night by a drinker who said he'd pay $20 for her favors. "Look, mister, you can't buy my bod with a crude offer like that," she responded, "but how's about betting me a twenty I won't put out for you?"
While purchasing some condoms, the young man remarked with a smile, "I'm giving my girl a birthday present tonight."
"Yes, sir," smiled the drug clerk. Then he added, forcing a straight face, "Would you perhaps like these gift-wrapped?"
"That wouldn't make much sense," said the customer. "They're the gift wrapping."
When a man who was convalescing from a heart attack couldn't persuade his wife to let him have intercourse with her, he asked his physician to send him a statement to convince the woman it would be permissible, and so the doctor wrote, "Dear Mrs. Brown: This is to certify that my patient Harry Brown is fully capable of having sexual relations."
The next week, Brown telephoned the medical man and said, "Doc, that note as you wrote it just didn't work with my wife, so I wonder if you could maybe send me an amended version."
"What change would you suggest?" inquired the physician, who wanted to be helpful.
"Instead of that 'Dear Mrs. Brown,' just address it 'To Whom It May Concern.'"
There once was a sperm cell named Lou, Who dreamed that an egg tryst was due;
But his dream proved a dud, For his swinging host's pud, Trysted off in the mouth of one Sue!
Oh, boy, that was like, you know, a religious experience," sighed the young man as he and the girl drove away from the motel. "Was it that way for you, too?"
"Well, almost," sighed the girl. "I was hoping for a second coming."
Why wouldn't you let your father and me see your costume before you left for that fraternity masquerade party?" the coed was asked on her return home that night.
"Because I felt a little silly in it, Mom," the girl answered. "Look---I went as a bee!"
"You come right over here, young lady!" her mother demanded sternly. "I want to check your breath for pollen."
Heard a funny one lately? Send it on a postcard, please, to Party Jokes Editor, Playboy, Playboy Bldg., 919 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611. $50 will be paid to the contributor whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned.