I don't suppose they'll ever bring our food," complained the woman in the crowded restaurant as she finished off her third martini. Then she slipped her hand under the tablecloth, fondled her husband's thigh and giggled, "It's silly to spend all night here, George, when we could be together in our very own bed."
"What's the difference?" sighed George. "With or without the drinks, at home the service would be just as slow."
It must have been a wise old botanist who pointed out that a penis is the only thing that has to be grown before it's planted.
Gossips are snickering about the really unattractive girl who has a jealous crush on a handsome comedian and surreptitiously follows him around. It's clearly a case of the dog tailing the wag.
Halloween," said a madam named Hicks, "Is a time, girls, to honor guys' dicks.
Since your Johns have spent wads,
I'll reward them with bods--
So tonight you'll be treating your tricks."
Some fellow I met at the Student Union today has invited me to visit him in his apartment for an oral-sex session," the fresh-from-the-farm coed told her roommate.
"Do you plan to go?"
"I'm not sure. I'm a little concerned about just what he might try to do when he got tired of discussing the subject."
Legal note: A girl who lived for years with a Hollywood bisexual is suing him for a quarter of all he has.
Our Unabashed Dictionary defines Circumcised Copenhagener as a pruned Danish.
No sooner had the brave young shepherd saved the life of the ragged old lady than the latter turned into a beautiful young princess. "Thank you, thank you, young man!" cried the girl. "You have broken the spell! If you name three wishes, I will do all I can to have them fulfilled."
"If it's all the same to you," responded the shepherd, gazing at the princess, "I'd like to have only one wish granted--but three times!"
Because the young wife of an escaped convict who had been recaptured during their honeymoon was lonely and wanted a baby, a social-service group made special arrangements for her to be artificially inseminated with her husband's sperm forwarded from the prison laboratory. "Tell me, baby, was whatever they did unpleasant for you?" the convict asked his wife when she visited him for the first time after the event.
"Not really, honey," she answered. "In fact, it wasn't too much different from, you know, regular sex--except that the doctor didn't bother to put his inseminator in one of those little rubber bags first."
What with the question of the clitoral versus the vaginal orgasm, it's perhaps no wonder that girls today don't know where they're coming from.
Our Unabashed Dictionary defines medieval masturbator as a pounding serf.
Superman," asked an admirer, "what was your most memorable experience?"
"I think it was when I was flying around one day," replied the hero, "and noticed Wonder Woman lying naked on her balcony, moving her pelvis most suggestively. Naturally, I zoomed right down on top of her."
"Boy, she must really have been surprised!" grinned the admirer.
"Yes, I guess she was--but not nearly as surprised as the Invisible Man."
Why, Lorraine, there are black-and-blue marks on your fanny!" exclaimed a coed in the sorority-house shower room. "Have you been dating some kinky guy?"
"No, nothing like that," smiled Lorraine. "It happened during a geology field trip. I got caught between a rock and a hard-on."
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