Several months ago, I became involved in a bizarre situation. I met a lovely little blonde and commenced to fall in love with her. Unfortunately, it wasn't a totally reciprocal relationship. Oh, she liked me quite a bit, but she happened to be involved with another person at the same time and tried to conceal it from me. About two and a half months ago, she went on an exchange program to the East Coast. Shortly after that, I started seeing her best friend and former roommate. One thing led to another, and now I find myself deeply involved with that girl. Looks good so far, right? Now comes the catch. The blonde's other relationship was a pain in my side while I was dating her, and that same relationship is still a pain. If you haven't guessed, the two girls I have been messin' with have been messin' with each other and they're in love! Hold it! I know what you're thinking and I have already asked, but it won't work. Both girls enjoy their time together and their time with me too much to have it ruined by jealousy trips. I have a feeling that in a month and a half, when the blonde comes back home, I'm going to be out in the cold. Both girls are so mixed up they don't know what's coming off, and, consequently, neither do I. Please help me keep my sanity and at least one of these lovely ladies. My heater doesn't work and a few blankets and your foldouts just won't make it.--P. F., Chico, California.
If you are as good at courting women as you are at courting disaster, you shouldn't have a problem. Consider your choices. You can walk away from the situation and find someone new (and hope that the blonde doesn't come after you with a straight razor for fooling around with her best friend). You can choose one of the women and say that you would like to keep seeing her on essentially the same basis. The girls don't seem intent on excluding you. They may just be experimenting with bisexuality. As long as you don't hold their relationship against them, you should have access to one (or both) of them. Then again, you might go for broke. Get the girls together and say that in these inflationary times, you think it best that the three of you pool your resources. It's worth a try. With three in one bed, you could forget about the blankets and the foldouts. Unfortunately, a ménage à trois can be very tricky. You might not even make it through the winter.
I am an amateur photographer. Every month, I receive Playboy and devour the pictures. I've been wondering how your photographers get such soft-looking photos. I've tried to no avail to duplicate the effects I see in some of the layouts. I've tried several different filters--but even using them, I can't seem to get that soft effect. What's the secret?--C. J., San Francisco, California.
Well, first, we use very soft girls. Other than that, there is no simple formula. You'll have to experiment. It may take time. Bob Guccione's been trying to learn our secrets for years, and he's not even close. Filters are only the beginning: Diffusion, or "fog," filters come in varying strenghts--they soften skin tones and break up hard lines. In a pinch, you can stretch a piece of nylon stocking over your lens. (Don't do this if you're shooting in a bank.) One photographer suggested using petroleum jelly--but we're not sure he was talking about his camera equipment. If you do use the stuff, smear it on a filter or a gel, not on the lens. The other major variable is lighting. Direct lighting produces hard lines and harsh, flat surfaces. Try bouncing the light off a reflecting umbrella, a piece of cardboard or a white wall, or place the lights behind a diffusing screen, such as a sheet or, on a smaller scale, a handkerchief.
A question in the Advisor gave me the idea that I might be an exceptional case. If so, I'd like to know what I can do about it. I am 18 and it takes me a long time to come. I'm always extremely involved with my girl and what we're doing, and I'm extremely excited both physically and mentally; but sometimes after, say, ten minutes of steady, full thrusts (the expression is not for effect; I think it's essential to good sex that one applies full thrusts), I still feel no indication of impending ejaculation. After ten minutes, my girlfriend is complaining that I'm rubbing her raw, she's tired and why don't we go to a movie? Such sessions are, to say the least, extremely embarrassing and ego deflating. Occasionally, after a week of abstinence, I get it off after a minute or so. She apparently enjoys those encounters more than my other, more time-consuming efforts. I thought girls went for staying power! She says she likes to go to bed with me, but I don't know. I also don't know how to make it more exciting; we use different positions, but I reserve the proverbial whips and spiked heels for when I get bored with straight screwing, if and when that happens. What'll I do? I'm thinking of leaving her for greener pastures, but she's kind of special, so I'd appreciate advice.--L. B., Nashville, Tennessee.
Your friend sounds terminally bored. Anyone who punches a time clock or takes time out to read movie reviews in bed is in serious trouble. Her "less is more" attitude might be OK for poverty, but when it comes to sex, the opposite is true: If you like it, you want it to last forever. Our guess is that she hasn't yet learned to achieve orgasm during intercourse--therefore, the longer it goes on, the greater her sense of failure. Talk it over. Don't assume that you know what turns her on (i.e., the full thrusts). You might suggest that she set the pace: If she wants you to reach your destination quickly, let her move her tail for you. A final note: Lubrication diminishes with time or as the woman's interest declines. Try some K-Y jelly, scented oils or plain old 40 weight. If that fails, it may be time for the whips and spiked heels.
I've recently taken to riding motorcycles--both for gas economy and for the thrill of performance. I've been discussing riding technique with several experienced riders and I've got some questions. One of my friends says that I should sparingly use the rear brake on a motorcycle, since the front brake does all the work. He also tells me that to initiate a high-speed turn, I should push the handle bars in the opposite direction from where I intend to go. That advice sounds a bit farfetched. Is he trying to kill me? I've been wondering if there's a motorcycle school equivalent to the Bob Bondurant School of High Performance Driving, where I can go to learn from the masters--J. M., San Francisco, California.
You have a good friend. When you hit the brakes on a motorcycle, the weight shifts forward onto the front wheel. Consequently, the front brake ends up doing about 75 percent of the work. If you use just the rear brake, or use it too much, the rear wheel will lock and the bike will go squirrelly. Your friend is also correct about high-speed turns. To initiate a left on a motorcycle, you cock the handle bars to the right (push the left handle bar away from you and/or pull the right handle bar toward you) and lean to the left. The tire patch moves out from under the bike and it falls in the direction you want to go. It may sound strange, but you've probably been doing this unconsciously when you shifted your weight for a turn. But it's better to have conscious control. A lot of beginners when encountering an obstacle have found that the instinctive maneuver to steer away from the obstacle swerved them into it. Scratch a lot of beginners. If you are looking for a high-performance school, try The Keith Code Rider Improvement Program (6416 La Mirada Avenue, Los Angeles, California 90038). Code races Superbikes--very well, thank you--and has distilled the competitive experience into an informative course. For $200, he will give you a one-on-one seminar, then take you out to the track on the second day for the time of your life. (You have to supply the bike and leathers.) We've taken the course, and one of these days--when we tire of blowing suckers off back roads--we'll tell you more about it.
My girlfriend and I have been having an argument about her breast size. She says that when I fondle or otherwise munch out on her tits, it keeps them from growing naturally. Her argument is that while I was away for a week, her breasts grew in size. But when I started back to my old habit, they stopped growing. Is there any evidence to support her argument?--J. B., San Antonio, Texas.
None. Breasts increase in size slightly when stimulated; they also wax and wane with the menstrual cycle. Tell your girlfriend she'll have to come up with a better story than that.
Hey, coach: You've helped with our sex life; maybe you can help with our sports life. One of the girls I play tennis with recently sprained her ankle. She wanted to go home and soak in a warm tub. I thought that the standard treatment these days was to pack the injury in ice. Who was right? We opted for the tub, for other reasons, but I wonder.--P. R., Washington, D.C.
First, may we suggest some reading. Start with Alex Comfort's "The Joy of Sex." That might get you both off the court and back into bed, where you belong. But if you insist on' pursuing pleasure in its more high-risk forms, you should pick up "The Sportsmedicine Book," by Gabe Mirkin and Marshall Hoffman, and/or "What to Do About Athletic Injuries," by Thomas D. Fahey. According to Mirkin and Hoffman, the immediate treatment for almost all athletic injuries is the same, whether you've pulled a muscle, strained a ligament, hurt a joint or broken a bone. They call the program RICE--for Rest, Ice, Compression and Elevation. You should stop what you're doing as soon as you feel you're hurt, pack the injured area in ice (use a towel; don't permit the ice to contact the skin directly), wrap a bandage around the ice and elevate the injured limb above the level of the heart. These steps serve to keep blood from entering the injured area. (The more blood that collects, the longer it takes to heal.) You can reapply ice for several hours--30 minutes on and 15 minutes off. If the pain and swelling increase, you should check with a physician. Most experts do not resort to heat treatments for at least 48 hours, if at all. Ice is also used to rehabilitate injuries. For example, if you are trying to restore movement to an injured joint, you massage the area with ice, stretch it with the appropriate exercises, then reapply the ice. The cold serves as an anesthetic and, again, reduces swelling. And don't over-look the most important use of ice--as in "on the rocks."
Although I broke up with my fiancée more than a year ago, we still keep in touch by mail and by phone. We had good sex for a period of two years prior to our breakup, which was caused by nonsexual factors. I find that we have fallen into a pattern of behavior that is a source of both pleasure and perplexity to me. We exchange detailed accounts of our sexual activity with other partners, complete with comparisons and critiques of the various partners. Instead of becoming angry or jealous, I am turned on tremendously by this activity, even to the point of wanting to resume my relationship with my ex-fiancée, when I should actually be repulsed by her. I have never felt this way about another women. Am I sick or what?--B. R. S., Kansas City, Missouri.
One man's meat is ... uh, wrong analogy. We've heard of men who get turned on by accounts of their partner's extracurricular activities. In your case, we'd have second thoughts about getting back together. Why let a renewed friendship ruin a good thing?
I suffered through the worst winter in history, and some of the problems caused by it are just surfacing. I left a few cases of wine in my unheated garage during the winter months and now I've noticed that the corks have pushed through the metal sealers. The wine is muddy and tastes strange. What should I do?--A. K., Skokie, Illinois.
Your wine must have frozen; the cork-popping phenomenon is not unusual in that circumstance. Exposure to air through broken seals may have caused the wine to overoxidize. Our office wine expert suggests one of two things: Push the corks back into the bottles and (1) sell it to some unsuspecting fool; or (2) give it to someone you don't like.
My husband and I have been married for three years. We are in our late 20s. We have had a good sex life, or so I thought until last year, when I found out by accident that he secretly masturbates. He does it right next to me in bed when he thinks I am asleep. I wouldn't mind if he needed more sex and I were unable to fulfill his needs, but on about half of the occasions, I find him doing it the morning after we have made love. He doesn't approach me first for sex--he just takes it on his own. In the beginning, his doing that made me excited. I would make believe that I had just awakened, and then I would initiate lovemaking. Sometimes he would be willing, but sometimes he would not. Please tell me if I am doing something wrong. I love my husband very much and I find myself getting jealous because he doesn't come to me first. (He does this several times a week. Am I married to a satyr?--Mr. D. D., Dallas, Texas.
You seem to be laboring (or is it loving?) under a couple of misconceptions about sex--notably, that intercourse is the only officially sanctioned form of release and that once a night is enough. Masturbation is a perfectly normal adult activity. It is a great way to get the heart started in the morning. The fact that your husband enjoys the autoeroticism in no way reflects on your skills as a lover. His timing does leave a bit to be desired (you should discuss your feelings with him on this matter). If watching him excites you, you might seize the occasion to experiment with a little solo work on your own. Hey, you could even stage races: First one to finish makes the coffee. In some ways, masturbation is more liberating than intercourse--the individual is not responsible for another person's pleasure and can do as he or she pleases. There is no reason to get jealous--after all, the only competition is the person you love.
All reasonable questions--from fashion, food and drink, stereo and sports cars to dating dilemmas, taste and etiquette--will be personally answered if the writer includes a stamped, self-addressed envelope. Send all letters to The Playboy Advisor, Playboy Building, 919 N. Michigan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. The most provocative, pertinent queries will be presented on these pages each month.