Birth Control for Plants?
We can see how it could happen. You start talking to your plants. They start talking back. You put on some soft music to help them grow. One thing leads to another. In a moment of unbridled passion, you go too far. The result: another unwanted Boston fern. How to avoid this tragedy? Read on. A household-hints column in a local paper has come up with a new use for birth-control pills. It seems that Fran Allison, the human third of the TV classic Kukla, Fran and Ollie, has taken to fertilizing her house plants with birth-control pills. She buries a pill near the roots of the plant, adds water and then sits back to watch what she claims is incredible growth. She used to talk to puppets, you'll remember. (We checked with some scientists, who noted that many plants naturally contain estrogen like substances. They speculated that the synthetic estrogen in the pill might come to the aid of the plant but were dubious.) What's next on the horizon? Well, we were at a party the other night and saw someone empty a martini into a potted palm....
We've heard of wedding photographers, but this is ridiculous. An editor in our West Coast office says that there are several "Have Video, Will Travel" outfits operating in the Los Angeles area. For a fee, they will come to your home, set up lights and cameras and provide you with a lasting memento of you and your loved one doing what comes naturally (or otherwise). It's not The Gong Show, but it's close. The professionals advertise via word of mouth and claim that there is no shortage of jobs. Question: When a couple splits up, who gets custody of the video tapes?
It's 10:30. Do You Know Where Your Children Are?
The pitter-patter of little feet can sound like the thrashing of Godzilla to a couple at intercourse. After coitus interruputs is duly mourned, Mom and Dad have one thing on their minds--guilt. Have they irreparably harmed the child and branded him/her a deviate for life? This may not come as any comfort, but psychiatrists don't seem to know, either. In a poll conducted by the journal Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality, 47 percent of psychiatrists polled felt that no enduring harmful psychological effects could be attributed to a child's seeing parents make love. Forty-eight percent thought the experience could be harmful. Analyzing the results, Dr. Maria Paluszny suggested that the shrinks might have shown more agreement if the poll had asked a more detailed question. She pointed out the poignant difference between a young child wandering unsuspectingly into the love nest and one who witnesses the unbridled sexual urges of parents, possibly drunk, with no concern for the child's presence. The poll also covered other commonly debated questions. Concerning the effect of seeing parents nude, 25 percent said it could be arousing or frightening, 28 percent thought it beneficial and 44 percent figured it had little effect. The shrinks came out strongly in favor of early sex education. A bare majority advised that children should be given the facts of conception between the ages of five and ten. A significant minority (21 percent) advised sex education before the age of five. In general, the poll results encouraged an open and unworried attitude toward sex. In fact, 82 percent of the psychiatrists opined that it was OK to occasionally allow kids under ten to sleep in the parents' bed. Even Dr. Spock had said that was a no-no.
All the News that's Unfit we Print
What's happening in the wonderful world of porn? Well, according to The TAB (The Adult Business) Report, we'll soon be able to buy men's underwear with the mask of King Tut printed on the crotch. Will people stand in line to see your exhibit? We wonder. The TAB Report is a newsletter devoted to the problems of the sex industry--it includes business and legal advice, plus information on taxes, licensing and new products. It's an idea whose time has come. Dennis Sobin, the Washington, D.C., sociologist who publishes the monthly, plans to sponsor a smutindustry trade show in Washington this fall. Part of the proceeds will establish a legal defense fund for pornographers. TAB' s annual subscription rate is a whopping $48, which, Sobin explains, supports its no-advertising policy. A six-month trial subscription is available for $28 from The TAB Report, 1228 Half Street S.W., Washington,D.C.20024.